


Fool's Gold

by perksofbeingaiko



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emmerdale Big Bang Round 1, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, References to Aaron's Abuse and Self Harm, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 02:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 38,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11888322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perksofbeingaiko/pseuds/perksofbeingaiko
Summary: He knew, in the back of his mind, that it was their Connection that was sending sparks rushing through him, numbing every sense until all he knew wasAaron,but the realist in him – the one that grew up never believing that fate could bring two strangers together and bond them. The one that believed it could never happen to someone you knew, that it was meant for those with more poetic souls that lived life as if love was all there was – believed he would have felt this way about Aaron regardless.Or, Aaron and Robert don’t exactly have the meet-cute worth writing home about, but Fate has other ideas in mind.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure fluff. It was meant to be angsty at first but I have 0.00% time for more angst than we’re already getting in canon, so you get what you get with this.
> 
> Thank you so so _so_ much to Mo for [the lovely art](https://minglewithadingle.tumblr.com/post/164528079777/). When I found out you were my artist I admit I had a bit of a cry because I was so excited. You are incredible <3
> 
> Also thank you to [April](http://robertssofttouchxaaronssoftlad.tumblr.com/) and [Sarah](http://sugdens-robert.tumblr.com/) who have been my cheerleaders and have given me confidence in myself over and over again. I love you both so much.
> 
> Inspired by the poem “The Dream” by John Donne  
>  _…Thou art so true that thoughts of thee suffice_  
>  _To make dreams truths, and fables histories;_  
>  _Enter these arms, for since thou thought'st it best,_  
>  _Not to dream all my dream, let's act the rest…_

Robert looked himself over in the mirror beside the front door to his flat, doing up the buttons on the collar of his dress shirt and straightening his tie. Frowning, he shrugged on his plain black suit jacket, hating how boring his corporate-approved attire was. Robert loved suits – he loved matching patterns and textures, the bolder the better – but “business appropriate” usually just meant the same white shirt with the same black jacket – navy if he was feeling particularly saucy. It was 6:42 AM, which gave him three minutes to spare before he left the house. Robert ran on a schedule that he didn’t like to disrupt.

5:30 AM – Wake up  
5:45 AM – Clean teeth, shower, choose the day’s clothes  
6:10 AM – Check email from the night before  
6:30 AM – Style Hair, get dressed, and collect belongings  
6:45 AM – Leave house  
7:00 AM – Get breakfast and schedule work day  
7:45 AM – Leave for work  
7:55 AM – Arrive at work

6:00 PM – Leave work  
7:00 PM – Eat something  
10:00 PM – Bed

His schedule didn’t leave much room for hobbies, but he had never really been one to do much on his down time. Most of the time between tasks at work was spent checking emails about work or talking with colleagues about work, anyway. He had recently been promoted to Estate Negotiator, overseeing a team of agents and their clients and managing the network of contacts Monroe Real Estates sends his way. This meant weekly Monday conference calls with Walter Monroe himself, as well as the other Brokers and Sales Managers working under the Monroe Empire.

Basically, it meant _a lot_ of schmoozing.

Getting into his car – a monster of a thing which had been not-so-subtly suggested to him to promote his “image” – he placed his phone on the dashboard dock and turned on a podcast his mum had suggested to him. It was some BBC 4 podcast about books and authors that Sarah had been raving about that Victoria wouldn’t give the time of day. He couldn’t blame her, though, since Vic had fronted the last obsession-

_“An audiobook book club!” Sarah had suggested during one of their calls, and was met with an immediate groan from Andy._

_“Well, it could be fun, I s’pose,” Vic had piped in. “Isn’t that right, you twos?”_

_“Leave me out of this one,” Robert said at the same time Andy said, “I helped mum with her weird compost garden, it’s your turn.”_

_Sarah had tsked, muttering that “it shouldn’t be such a hardship to share a hobby with your mother” and “I supported you lot with your ‘weird’ hobbies but you can’t even do this with me” like she always did, and Vic had been the one to succumb that time._

-and now Robert was stuck listening to some author he’s never heard of ramble about their novel on his drive to a vegan juice bar his mum had recommended last time she visited, which, admittedly, hadn’t been the worst of her ideas. Robert had lived on coffee, but since he had started juicing, he had to admit he felt healthier.

Even if he was becoming one of _those guys._

Turning into the multi-story car park, Robert flipped his sun visor up and made his way past the up-ramp to the back of the first level by a the exit where he had been parking every day for the last few months. It was early enough in the day that not many people were about, and that space had always stayed vacant, as if it were waiting for Robert to arrive.

When he reached the space, however, a car was already there, parked crookedly and barely keeping in the space of the lines. Robert knew, realistically, that the space wasn’t actually his and that he had no grounds to be annoyed, but he was also Robert Sugden: Drama Queen. He scowled at the other car but moved along, going down a bit of a ways to park in an empty space. As he passed the car while walking toward the exit, he noted the ugly blue and weird reflector tape across the side, with enough dings in the paint to make Robert roll his eyes.

The rest of the day he moved on autopilot. He’d been going to this juice bar every weekday for nearly two months, needing only to request his usual and tap his card before he was out the door, giving one last scowl to the offensive car before continuing his day.

Work itself was work. Since becoming manager, he didn’t tend to meet with clients as much as he used to. Now it was his job to oversee the other buyers, only meeting with clients that had a particular number of commas in their bank statements.

Was it boring? _yes._

Monotonous? _maybe._

Worth it? _without question._

By 5:30 PM, everyone had gone home, and by 6 o’clock he was packing up himself, and that was his day.

On Wednesday, the car was there again, sitting in his space as if it were mocking him. And then again on Thursday, its bright yellow reflector tape supplying the name “Boy Racer” in Robert’s mind every time he saw it, which was becoming much more frequent than he was willing to allow. Once, twice, three times is a pattern. He had tried waiting for the owner of the car, even thought to leave a strongly worded letter stuck to their windscreen, but what exactly was he going to say? _Excuse me mate, I know this is a public car park but you’re actually in_ my _space, so if you could park literally anywhere else, that’d be great. Thanks._

Somehow he didn’t see that conversation going well for him.

So, instead, he decided to get there earlier. He timed it thirty minutes ahead, the lot itself barely holding any cars at all for a Friday, and felt a rush of petty vindication when Boy Racer’s car was nowhere to be seen. Sure, he then had to wait outside the shop for fifteen minutes before they opened their doors to the public, but seeing the blue monstrosity sitting five spaces down the line fueled him for the rest of the day.

By the next Wednesday, it was there again, and if whomever owned the car thought they could out-stubborn Robert Sugden, they had another thing coming.

Thursday morning felt like gearing up for battle. He had woken up earlier and had nearly forgotten his wallet in his haste out the door. The entire drive was silent.

Turning the corner, his space was blessedly empty – the whole car park had been pretty empty considering the time – and Robert felt the tension leave his shoulders. It was such a stupid thing to get worked up about, but Robert thrived in consistency and order. He had a plan for himself, and that plan included _parking in that spot._ Almost as soon as he relaxed, he spotted the blue monstrosity pulling in, Boy Racer making a bee-line for the space, having a straight shot coming from the opposite direction.

He didn’t know what possessed him to do it, but the next thing he knew he was gunning his way through the aisle, making a wide turn to cut Boy Racer off and make it there before him, before the sound of crunching metal echoed in the silence of the morning.

**** **A** ****

Aaron tapped his thumbs against the steering wheel as he waited at the red light, some morning show droning on from the radio that he wasn’t paying much attention to. The sun’s glare sat on his dashboard, and he squinted against the light. He was used to early mornings, but this was getting ridiculous, and he was starting to think that maybe going to the gym before work wasn’t worth it.

But he had to win.

Ever since his hours changed and he started working the midday shift, he started going to the gym in the morning before work, rather than going there after a long day smelling of marinara and stale dishwater when all he wanted to do was sleep. It had barely been a week before some Jeep Cherokee decided it wanted to park in _his_ space. The overcompensating git must have decided that they were going to beat Aaron by getting there earlier, but they clearly underestimated him.

So he started getting there even earlier. He’d be damned if he let some rich jackass think they got the best of him.

So now there he was, barely 6:20 AM with maybe a handful of cars already there. He sighed, glad to see his space empty until he saw the white Jeep pull around the corner, clearly making its way toward his space. Moneybags was still three lanes away, and Aaron had a straight shot. He smirked. _Beat you,_ he thought before he heard the distinct squeal of tires and saw a span of white before he collided with the idiot’s back bumper.

Aaron sat frozen, hands gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white, the shock taking over for just a moment before the world came rushing back in. He could feel his heart start to pound, a mixture of dread and anger boiling inside of him as he parked the car and slowly unbuckled his seat belt. Steeling himself, he opened his door, the sound of another door opening echoing against the concrete.

His bumper was fairly smashed, cracking his headlight only slightly, pieces of plastic littering the ground. His own car wasn’t the concern. He could wire his bumper back into place, and the light itself would probably work fine. The sick feeling in his gut came at the noticeable dent painted in blue against the pristine white of the Jeep. _Thankfully_ the other car was built much sturdier than Aaron’s, or else he might have had a heart attack, because any type of man to drive a car like this was going to expect compensation.

The other car door shut, and the driver stepped around, already swiping through his phone, surely searching his contacts for his insurance agent. The man glanced at Aaron offhandedly before pausing, lowering his phone as he stared more intently at Aaron. Aaron looked back at the damage to avoid eye contact, but he couldn’t help but to look back up, fighting the slight lightheadedness he felt because _Oh no, he’s hot._ Instead, he let the anger take over.

“What’d ya think you’re playin’ at?” Aaron asked, trying not to raise his voice. He was angry, sure, but he was also distinctly aware that he was living paycheck to paycheck, and that he would never be able to pay for the damages if the other man took offence.

“What the hell were you thinking? Do you have any idea how much this car cost me?” the man asked snidely, pocketing his phone in favor of pulling himself up to his full height. He was barely an inch taller than Aaron, but his business suit paired with a natural resting smug-face exuded an air of something _more_ that was slightly imposing.

Even so, Aaron was Aaron, and couldn’t help himself from an argument. “Yeah, but it was your awful driving that did it. If I had been a second quicker you would’ve rammed into me.” The _“jackass”_ went unsaid.

The man looked him over like this whole this was a waste of his time and shook his head, pretending to concede. “Fine. Why don’t we let the lawyers decide then?” he asked, reaching back for his phone. Without thinking, Aaron reached out his hand to stop him, and practically shouted “Wait!” as he held onto the man’s arm for half a second before releasing him.

“Sorry. Just, look mate, I really can’t afford to pay for something like this if it comes out bad for me. You’ve seen my car, it’s not like I’m exactly rolling in money. Could we just settle it some other way? My uncle owns a garage, he could fix it for you. Or I could, I suppose, but it’d be a while before that. Or-” Aaron was rambling, he knew it, but the other man wasn’t _saying_ anything, just watching Aaron like he was trying to remember something.

The man put his hand up to shush him – _rude_ – and paused Aaron from his thoughts. “Look, your car obviously got the worst of it, and I suppose part of the blame can be put on me.” _Actually, all of it, really,_ Aaron thought, but knew better than to say aloud. “So why don’t we make a deal? I’ll pay for your new bumper and we’ll forget this even happened,” the man said, and Aaron let out a silent sigh of relief. “But,” he continued, “I get this space. Indefinitely.”

Aaron rolled his eyes. “Mate, it’s a public car park. What’d you want me to do, cone it off for you?”

The man smiled, and Aaron had to swallow to stop himself from smiling back. “You know what I mean. No more of this back and forth between us. You park somewhere else, I’ll pay for damages, and we’ll call it sorted. Deal?” the man asked, offering his hand. Aaron grabbed it, and shook it twice. If this had been anyone else, Aaron knew he would have rather lived off of peanuts and water for the next few months than have someone think they could buy him, but something about this man made Aaron feel like it wasn’t nefarious. “Right then, give me your phone.”

“What?” Aaron asked.

“Get the cost of damage then text me the details. I don’t exactly keep a checkbook on me, I’m not 60.”

Aaron rolled his eyes again but opened up the new contact page and handed over his phone. Something about the action and the man’s proximity sent a strange wave through Aaron’s mind, like déjà vu. He rubbed at his eyes. The early morning and the slow trickle-in of more cars was starting to weigh on him. The man handed Aaron his phone back, and Aaron read the name.

_Robert Sugden._

He noticed a text had already been sent to the number, Robert sending himself a quick ellipsis to exchange their numbers. Robert raised his eyebrow in question, and Aaron muttered out his own name before Robert punched it into his phone, and just like that the moment was over. “Right then. Text me when you know more,” he said before turning away to head out to the street, leaving Aaron to deal with his own car. Before Aaron could get back in, he heard Robert call out. “Have we met before?” he asked.

“Pretty sure I’d remember you,” Aaron replied. He watched Robert look at him once more in question before shrugging and continuing his walk out of the car park.

**** **R** ****

The office was quiet. Saturdays meant a skeleton crew anyway, but it was well past 5:00 PM, and everyone had cleared out without so much as a cursory glance at Robert. He hated working Saturdays. It was meant to be the only time where he could stop being a person for just one day before the errands of Sunday and monotony of the workweek took over.

Still, this specific client had requested – _demanded_ – a Saturday showing of the house in Mobberley with another in Altrincham which wouldn’t have been much of a hassle in itself if they hadn’t also requested to meet at 8:00 AM just to see the houses for the 3rd time in as many weeks.

Not that Robert had any room to complain. These houses were selling at £1.5 million give or take, which was sure to keep Robert in good standing.

The houses themselves were beautiful. Open plan, hardwood, with more bedrooms and kitchens than any family could possibly need. It was everything Robert had thought he wanted when he was a teenager with dreams of becoming a software engineer and being a stock holder. At 30, Robert was just happy to have a home with a modest backyard and money left over after bills.

His phone vibrated with a text alert from his mum – a kissy-face emoji and a white square that Robert couldn’t see on his Android – which also reminded him that it was nearly half six. Robert shut his desktop computer off with a groan, the familiar Windows tune chiming before the screen went black. He had missed two calls already from his mum, but his client was chatty, and he’d been attached to his landline for the better part of an hour listening to the buyer’s pros and cons list for the 10th time that day.

He made the motions of locking up the building, checking that all lights were off and that no computers were left on before setting the alarm and walking out into the street. It was getting colder, the promises of a bitter winter whispering through the autumn breeze.

The idea of having to drive all the way home before he could eat suddenly felt like it would take years, so he rounded the building to find something he could walk to instead, but all he could see was a McDonald’s – _no thanks_ – and a Tesco – _defeats the purpose._ He sighed, giving up. Home it is, he decided, walking back to his car.

He came up to the fork in the road that took him home either way he went, but there was a collision in the road to his right. Rolling his eyes, he indicated for the left turn which would take him a full five minutes longer than usual.

 _Great_ , he thought to himself as he passed unfamiliar streets and buildings on the detour.

He stopped at a red light and noticed a pub to his right that a young couple had just come out of. He’d passed about three pubs in the last five minutes’ drive alone, but for a reason he couldn’t quite place – maybe it was the fact that it was far out enough to have on-site parking, for one – he turned in, and before he knew it he was pulling the front door open.

It was fairly busy for a pub so out of the way, but Robert figured it was a Saturday evening, and if there is beer, they will come. Robert made his way up to the bar, forgoing the tables. He didn’t see any luxury in eating alone, but felt more awkward just turning around and leaving when he had already stepped inside. Sitting on one of the stools, he leaned over and craned his neck, looking at the beers on tap.

There seemed to be only one person working the front, ducking in and out from the bar to collect used glasses and plates from a table of eight. As the bar hand turned, Robert immediately averted his gaze on instinct, the sight of Aaron taking him by surprise. Schooling himself, he feigned nonchalance, toying with a coaster on the bar while his mind ran circles. He had only talked to the guy for a few minutes, but something about him had stuck with Robert, invading his thoughts.

He had been dreaming about Aaron. Nothing dirty or especially scandalous – _pity that_ – but just hints of him, here and there, tucked away at the corner of every dream. Some of the dreams were particularly bizarre of places he’d never seen but felt like he knew so well. There had been a beach in Wales and some castle in Ireland, even though he’d never been to either country, and both times Aaron was there. They never said two words to each other, never even glanced in each other’s general direction for long, but it was like Robert knew he was there.

“What can I do you for?” Aaron asked, and Robert nearly dropped the coaster to the floor in surprise. He pushed it away from himself and looked up at Aaron who stared at him blankly, a towel slung over his shoulder.

“You never texted,” Robert said, and _Okay, not what you meant to say but just go with it._

“Sorry?” Aaron asked, this time confused, his brows turning down.

“With the charges. You said you’d text me and let me know. Figured we could meet up and sort it out, but you never texted,” Robert clarified, leaning forward on the bar so he wouldn’t have to shout over the noise of the other punters chattering away.

Aaron just stared at him for a beat before sighing. “Look, mate. I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. You gonna order somethin’, or what?” Aaron said, exasperated as he pulled the towel off his shoulder to wipe down the bar.

Robert narrowed his eyes, suddenly feeling extremely out of place as he sputtered. “I’m Robert. Robert Sugden, you know. The one with the car that you hit?” At that, Robert saw Aaron’s mouth twitch into an almost-frown before smoothing back over, and Robert groaned, picking up the coaster again to throw at Aaron. “You are such a wind up!” he laughed.

Aaron broke, his smile all teeth and squinted eyes as he picked the coaster up off the floor and threw it somewhere under the bar. “Sorry, mate. I couldn’t resist. Not with the way you came in here lookin’ like a lost mutt,” Aaron tittered, leaning with his hands against the bar. “And _you_ hit _me_ , ta.”

Robert waved his hand, not wanting to get into it. “So, how much was it? I was serious, you know. About paying for it.”

“As if I were gonna let you actually pay for somethin’ I could fix meself. I’m not your charity case,” he scoffed, his tone colder than Robert thought the conversation warranted. “But really, what’ll it be? Unless you came in here just to admire my mug,” Aaron asked sarcastically.

_Well, if I had known…_

_No, don’t say that. That’d be weird._

“Just get me a pint. Pale ale.” Robert sipped on his beer as soon as Aaron sat it down on a new coaster in front of him, watching him chat with the other patrons that sat around the bar opposite of Robert. This gave Robert a fantastic view, and if Aaron looked that good in dark wash jeans and a plain black button-down from behind, he couldn’t imagine how good he must look in a proper suit. Or, better yet, in nothing at all. Robert’s brain short-circuited for a moment and he downed more of his beer to take his mind off it. He would _not_ objectify Aaron at work.

“So, there’s no point in asking if you come here often since I know you don’t, so what brings you here?” Aaron asked once the crowd started to thin and Robert was sucking back the last dregs of his beer. Aaron silently asked if he wanted another, but Robert waved him off.

He wiped the foam from his lip and sighed. “Well, to be honest, I don’t really know. It’s a bit out of the way for me, but I guess I must’ve zoned out while I was driving. Next thing I know, I’m here. With you.”

“Huh,” was all Aaron said in response. “So you’re not here on the pull? Because don’t look now, but I think ol’ Joanne’s been eyein’ you up since you came in.” Robert turned his body slightly and accidentally made eye-contact with a middle-aged woman at a table to his left that was swirling her wine and visibly trying to tear Robert’s clothes off with her mind.

He cleared his throat and gave Aaron a look. “Unfortunately, she’s not my type,” he said, lifting his hand to his face to block her view.

“Shame. I’d go for her meself, but she’s a lot more… _woman_ than I’m lookin’ for,” Aaron said, shaking his head in faux sympathy, and _Huh, interesting._

“Well what about you then? This seems a bit far from your gym. Unless you _like_ making the long drive to get all sweaty and grunt with other people who are also sweaty and grunting,” Robert said, scrunching his nose at the thought. Gyms never seemed like his sort of thing. Pools were fine, mostly because you couldn’t really see other people while you were swimming, but gyms felt too claustrophobic and loud.

“Nah, this is out of my way, too. My mate’s dad owns this place. They let me pick up a shift here once or twice a month when my pockets are low.”

Robert nodded. “So, if you don’t work here, where do you work?”

“At an Anthony’s. Got meself a shiny gold manager’s tie and all,” Aaron said with a mock grin. Anthony’s was a chain Italian restaurant that Robert had only been to a handful of times since they popped up everywhere about five years ago. “Honestly, it’s not so bad. I were a waiter at an Anthony’s out near Leeds two years back, and that were way worse, trust me. Now I just gotta deal with naggy mums when the soup’s too hot for their kid to eat.”

Robert shuddered at the thought. He had – _thankfully_ – never worked in customer service like that, but he couldn’t imagine the horror stories Aaron must have.

They chatted for a few hours, Robert finally deciding to eat something when Aaron told him to at least get some chips in him if he was going to just sit there. He knew he should’ve left a while ago when the crowd around him turned brand new, but he didn’t want to leave Aaron. For the first time in a long time he found someone he could just _talk_ to without feeling like he was forcing it or without it delving into numbers and figures from work. He figured Aaron felt the same way, too. He’d had plenty of opportunities to exit their conversation as new people sat at his bar, but he kept making his way back to Robert in the lulls, ready to talk about movies he had just seen or ask questions about – and poke fun at – Robert’s job.

It was just _nice._ And when he finally pulled himself away with a wave, he had to resist the urge to text him as soon as he got back home.

********

Which is why, as the weeks passed, he should have guessed this would happen, but it didn’t make it any less surreal.

Robert stood outside of the Anthony’s Italian Bistro, offhandedly hoping that this wasn’t the location Aaron worked at. He ran his tongue over his teeth in thought, checking his appearance quickly in the tinted window before pulling the door open, a rush of savory scents and the tang of Italian sauces overpowering in the air. He pulled himself up straight, putting on a smile for the hostess.

“Good afternoon, table for how many?” the hostess asked him, hovering over the menus.

“Actually, I’m here under the Monroe party?” Robert replied, posed as a question as he scanned the room. He didn’t need to look hard for the table holding the manager’s meeting, almost immediately finding Walter Monroe, Owner and third Monroe in succession of Monroe Real Estates. He was a portly man, but he had kind features, like a grandfather you didn’t need but didn’t mind having, and his loud laugh was easily heard throughout the restaurant. No, Robert was checking the room for Aaron, blowing out a sigh of relief when he couldn’t find the other man.

“Right this way, sir,” the hostess said, already walking away and toward the back of the room where two tables had been pushed together into a makeshift larger table, the men surrounding the table already half a pint in with their complementary salads pushed to the side. Robert followed her before out of nowhere a hand caught at his forearm, stopping him.

 _“Robert,”_ Aaron said quietly, his confusion hidden beneath the façade of a smile. “What are you doing here?” He pulled his phone out of his apron, checking for a text or warning from Robert, frowning when his screen was blank.

“Eating,” Robert said. “It’s a restaurant, right?”

Aaron just looked at him, ignoring the sarcasm. Robert pointed to the table. “Look, I didn’t know this one was yours.”

Aaron straightened up, trying to hide his unease. “Right, sorry. It’s just weird having you here. Like seein’ a teacher out of school.”

“Cheers for that,” Robert said, side eyeing him as he looked back to the table, waving as he accidentally caught someone’s attention. “Look, I can’t very well tell them I’ve been banned from our meeting location because you think it’s a bit weird now can I?” Robert replied back with a lowered voice that Aaron had to lean in to hear. If this had been anyone else, Robert would be using that technique to get the other person closer, make their only focus _him._ As it was, it was Aaron, and this was probably the beginning of another argument, so Robert just sighed and nodded his head toward the table with a quick raise of his brows.

An overly loud “Robert!” from Mr. Monroe turned all eyes toward him as he joined the table, his mind instantly flipping the switch into _Robert Sugden, Manager of Sales and Operations_ mode.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” he said, unbuttoning his suit jacket as he sat, “I was caught up at the office. Murphy’s Law, it could be quiet all day until I have somewhere to be, then the phones go nonstop,” Robert joked. It received him a polite laugh. Variations of _“I was late because I didn’t want to be here, but I’m too polite to say so”_ was the social norm between them.

“That’s quite alright, but we have already ordered for the table. You had better not be allergic to seafood,” the man next to Mr. Monroe chimed in. Simon Harris was a piece of work, to say the least. He had the look of a man that had the words “I voted for the Brexit but I still love exotic women” stamped on his forehead, but could schmooze a crowd through a speech, which had to be the entire reason Mr. Monroe kept him around. They were foils of each other in many ways, which Robert would have thought were comedic if it weren’t for the fact that Simon was disgusting in pretty much every avenue of life.

Robert shook his head “no” but the conversation had already moved on. The meal itself was a blur of motivational speeches about reaching quotas and methods to inspire their teams to _Sell! Sell! Sell!_ that Robert had heard a million times before. He perked up once, when Aaron had made his way to their table in full managerial-mode, asking about food quality and collecting plates from their table, directing a sarcastic look towards Robert that easily read _Wow, fun crowd_ which Robert bit his tongue not to smile at.

Once the conversation had begun to lull into personal topics and food plates were collected in favor of the last sips of beer, Robert looked down at his watch. He had about ten more minutes before he could excuse himself with talk of avoiding traffic.

“And how about you, Robert?” Mr. Monroe asked, and Robert had to focus himself back to the conversation. “Are you married?”

Robert forced a smile. “Not yet, no.”

“Girlfriend? A charming lad like you is bound to have someone,” Mr. Monroe winked, as if Robert’s love life were some sort of hot gossip between them.

Robert cleared his throat. “No girlfriend, I’m afraid-”

“Boyfriend, then?” Mr. Monroe interrupted, and Robert stuttered. Nothing on Mr. Monroe’s face showed any sort of malice, but then again it wouldn’t. Walter Monroe had been on various LGBT-friendly charity committees with his daughter who had been married to her new wife last spring, but the look on Mr. Harris’ face carried enough disdain for the rest of the table.

There was something about that face that made Robert say, “Yes, actually. I’ve got a boyfriend,” and then instantly regret it because _a) what the hell was that?!_ and _b) shit._ He kept his face blank, looking only to Mr. Monroe rather than the other men at the table, pretending not to notice the way Thomas shifted beside him as if trying to keep a distance without bringing attention to himself.

“That’s wonderful! What’s his name?” Mr. Monroe asked, and while Robert appreciated that the man was being inclusive, he did also wish he would shut up.

Robert panicked, knowing before he even said anything that there was only one name he’d ever be able to say; the name that ran circles through his dreams as of late, and the one that always came to mind when he blurted, “Aaron.”

“Lovely. And you, Mr. Bosman?” Mr. Monroe directed toward Thomas beside him, and Robert let himself relax. Sure, the whole table now probably thought he was gay rather than bisexual, but no one kicked up a fuss, so he’d take what he could get.

One of the waiters stopped by the table to collect remaining dishes while Aaron trailed behind them, circling the table to stand behind Robert.

“Was there anything else I could help you with this afternoon?” Aaron asked the table, and Robert itched at how unlike himself Aaron sounded, but he knew just as well as anyone what putting on a mask of professionalism looked and sounded like.

“No, thank you Aaron,” Mr. Monroe said, leaning into the table and pointing toward Aaron from where he hovered next to Robert. “Now, you wouldn’t happen to be _Robert’s_ Aaron, would you?” he said as if it were a joke, and Robert froze.

“You’ve been talking about me?” Aaron asked, and it was obviously directed to Robert. He looked up, hoping beyond anything that Aaron would read the look of _play along_ in them. Something must have clicked because Aaron just scrunched his eyebrows quickly before looking up to the rest of the group. “Only good things, I hope?”

“Really? Honestly, a _man_ is one thing, but a _waiter_?” Simon piped in again, and Robert couldn’t stop the way he grimaced.

“There’s nothing wrong with being a waiter,” Robert argued, ignoring the “Rob” from Aaron. “Plus, he’s a manager of this place, and a good one at that. He’s done you a service, you’ve got no right to pass judgement.”

The table was quiet for a moment while Robert just stared at Simon, waiting for him to say something else. The rest of the men at the table were useless, and it felt more like they weren’t even there by Robert’s judgement.

“Well, actually, I was only noting that-” Simon started, but was cut off by Mr. Monroe’s much louder voice.

“Oh, never mind him,” Mr. Monroe said. “I expect we’ll be seeing you at the banquet this Saturday?” It was posed as a question, but it left little room to argue. Still, Robert heard a slight huff of air indicative to Aaron concealing a laugh, and he reached his arm back slightly to thwack him in the leg, not hard enough to hurt but enough to let him know not to give up the act.

“Actually, sir, I was intending to attend it alone-”

“I’m busy this weekend with work-”

They both spoke at the same time, but it was obvious Mr. Monroe had already practically set out the name card for Aaron in his mind and wasn’t listening. “I’m sure they can spare you for a few hours so you can wine and dine each other, no? Do I need to talk with someone to get this done? Because I would be glad to.”

“No!” Aaron nearly shouted, clearing his throat before continuing, “I mean, I’m sure I can figure something out. Thank you for inviting me,” he said through his teeth as he smiled. “Robert, can I have a word?”

Aaron excused himself from the table, and Robert felt helpless not to do the same, hearing Mr. Monroe chuckle out, “Oops, lover’s tiff.” Aaron led him through to the kitchen and out a side door meant for employees. Once out of ear shot, Aaron rounded on him. “What are you playing at?”

“I panicked!”

“What d’you mean you panicked? Why was I even brought up?” Aaron asked, and Robert bit his tongue against _Well, I’ve had little else on my mind, lately_ and instead rolled his eyes.

“Because you were standing there, and I already knew you were single and possibly gay. I knew it wouldn’t come back on me,” Robert said, pulling the excuse out of thin air.

“Right, so you are aware that we aren’t actually dating, then?”

And, _God._ Aaron truly could be brilliant one moment and make Robert have to grind his teeth so he wouldn’t throttle him the next. “Look, Aaron. Just please do this for me.”

Aaron looked at him like he’d grown a second head, his eyes falling into a squint of confusion. “What? Parade around with you at some ritzy do just so your company can make itself look tolerant and make itself more money?”

Robert sighed. “It’s for charity. Sick kids or something.” Aaron’s face softened, just slightly, but enough that Robert knew he needed to move in. “And anyway, if do this for me, I’ll owe you a favor.”

“A favor?” Aaron deadpanned, and Robert smirked.

“Mm, yes. Of equal or lesser value, of course,” he teased.

He smiled when Aaron muttered a sarcastic, “Of course.” They were quiet for a moment, Aaron obviously thinking it over before he gave a slight nod. “Yeah, alright. But I’m not wearing coattails or a top hat, and I’m not riding in that heathen you call a car. I’ll drive myself.”

“A normal black suit will be fine,” Robert said, but paused. “You do _have_ a suit, right?”

“’Course I do,” Aaron answered, offense in his tone.

“One that doesn’t smell of garlic and pasta?” Robert teased.

“Hang on, do you want me to do this or not?” Aaron bit out.

Robert put up his hands in surrender and laughed. Aaron bit his lip to suppress his own smile, a habit Robert noticed Aaron did more and more. “Sorry, sorry. Deal, then?” Robert asked, sticking out his hand for Aaron to shake, reminiscent of the day they met.

Aaron rolled his eyes, but took his hand anyway – rough and slightly calloused from what, Robert didn’t know – and shook, Aaron whacking Robert lightly on his arm before leading him back into the restaurant.

**** **A** ****

**From: Robert Sugden** (Yesterday, 9:35 PM)  
 _Meet me in front at 6:45_  
 _I don’t know about you, but I’d like to skip cocktails and mingling_

 **To: Robert Sugden** (Yesterday, 9:37 PM)  
 _Yeah alright_

 **From: Robert Sugden** (Yesterday, 9:42 PM)  
 _And don’t forget your cummerbund_

 **To: Robert Sugden** (Yesterday, 9:42 PM)  
 _..._  
 _My what?_

 **From: Robert Sugden** (Yesterday, 9:43 PM)  
Nevermind  
 _;)_

 

 **To: Robert Sugden** (Today, 6:40 PM)  
 _I’m here_  
 _Are you waiting already?_  
 _Robert?_

Aaron pocketed his phone and got out of the car, locking the door and fixing his hair by the reflection in the glass before he headed out of the car park. He had parked about a five minute walk from the hotel and was starting to feel like an idiot walking down the street in a suit while people passed by in their civvies.

Realistically, he knew no one was looking at him. He walked past a couple who were shouting at each other right there in the middle of the pavement, and then a group of guys laughing and smoking outside of a probation building. He knew they weren’t judging, but he couldn’t help but feel out of place as his dress shoes clicked with every step.

He had turned the corner to the hotel and nearly turned back around at the sight of it. It was an eyesore of a building, with blue and yellow tinted windows lined up and down the building, mirroring the street back at itself, but Aaron found himself grateful for it. His all black suit and tie were barely a smudge on the landscape, and no one paid him much mind as he waited by the wall opposite the hotel. The colder air nipped at him, but he refused to go inside without Robert. Instead, he lingered by the smokers’ area and waited, pulling out his phone to check the time.

Just as he was about to text him again, he saw a figure in his peripherals heading toward him. Robert must have started saying something, but Aaron wasn’t listening, focused only on clenching his jaw to steady himself when he finally looked at him. Robert lived in suits, awful tweeds and fabrics that he still managed to make look great, but Aaron really hadn’t prepared himself for _this._

[His suit](https://68.media.tumblr.com/78f623c2d80fe9a9d5e5d64ccc7d8883/tumblr_ofvj6icsBm1qhsyjto1_r2_540.png) didn’t look like much from a distance, but the closer he got, the more detail Aaron could see. The suit jacket was patterned in houndstooth – the only pattern Aaron really knew the name of – and looked like an almost shiny navy blue. He didn’t really understand how it managed to look that way, but with the ostentatious floral button-down underneath, Aaron supposed it didn’t really matter.

On anyone else, Aaron would have thought the suit was over the top. But on Robert, it felt almost natural. The suit was clearly bespoke, fitting close to his waist in a way that made Aaron’s suit look like a rental. Truly, his suit had been nearly five years old now. Something he usually wore to funerals and to court if he ever needed to.

Robert was an attractive man, Aaron had always thought that, but something about this made it hard to look at anything or anyone else.

He forced himself to pull his gaze away, nodding toward the building. “Should we go in?” he asked, turning back to Robert. He thought he caught the tail-end of a once over from Robert, and it made him anxious. He tugged on his lapels, willing his jacket to close and cover more of himself.

Robert parted his lips, as if he were going to speak, but instead just huffed a small laugh. “Yeah, go on then,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets and leading the way.

The lobby felt overly bright, with white walls and high ceilings that screamed overcompensation. There was a pool of people waiting in the lift lobby, Aaron instinctively gravitating toward Robert while Robert’s hand found its way to Aaron’s shoulder, keeping them together as they huddled into the lift, the number 11 already illuminated amongst the others.

The crowd started to thin as they rode up to the 11th floor, the only other occupants were a man Robert didn’t seem to recognize and a couple that Robert kept his back to. Aaron rested his back against the wall, and Robert kept his body faced toward him, not really looking at one another, but sharing the space together. Aaron didn’t want to read much into it, but for whatever reason, he felt like he didn’t even need to say anything, like Robert already knew what Aaron needed. Still, he didn’t appreciate the way his head started to feel light at the proximity or the way his body itched to pull itself closer.

When the bell chimed, they followed the other occupants out of the lift to line up near the door where a woman that looked to be in her late 20s sat handing envelopes to the arriving guests. Muffled music echoed into the emptying hall, something about it making the small area feel transient.

“Good evening,” he heard the woman say, turning his focus back to her and Robert. The woman had a beautiful smile, and her eyes were completely locked in on Robert. “Name?” she asked.

“Robert Sugden,” Robert replied, tilting his head down a bit while smiling back at her. _The flirt,_ Aaron thought to himself while Robert made small talk. He said something about how “wonderful the organization is” and “worth every bit of money it has brought in” that Aaron tuned out. Robert received his envelope, and turned back to Aaron just as the woman turned to him.

“And your name, sir?” she said, smiling just as brightly.

“Oh, err, I’m actually,” he said, pointing at Robert awkwardly while Robert simultaneously addressed her, saying, “He’s with me.”

“Oh!” was all the woman said, but her smile didn’t falter. Instead, she sat up straighter, her eyes flitting back and forth between them - _Intrigue? Excitement?_ \- and made a gesture toward the door. “Well, then welcome. I hope you enjoy your night.”

Robert shot Aaron a look, like he was holding in a laugh, and Aaron couldn’t help but mirror it as he nudged him through the door and away from the table. Pushing open the door, the music flooded his senses before he reoriented himself. They paused as the door shut behind them, and Aaron gave the room a quick once over.

The room itself was nice, Aaron had to admit. Well, not so much nice as in tasteful or comfortable – there were bright colorful runners along white tablecloths on each table that matched the equally colorful banner hung up behind the stage area. Aaron understood that it was meant to be welcoming to the child ambassadors that were circled around the table at the front, but it all felt like a bit of an eyesore, the colors so loud Aaron had trouble hearing his own thoughts – but rather, _nice_ as in _this probably cost more money than I’ll ever see at a time._

Still, while the mix of adults in their suits and dresses paired with such child-friendly decoration painted an odd picture, Aaron could feel himself loosening up. He’d rather this over a black tie event in a heartbeat.

“Right,” he heard Robert say as he surveyed the room and pointed toward the back corner. “We’ll be sitting over there. The man with the red hair is Garrett, and his wife Teresa. They’re nice enough, but he’s about as boring as a man from accounting can be. Next to them on the left,” Robert continued, now walking toward the table, keeping close to Aaron as he spoke, “is Eden Cox. She’s gone through about four husbands, so I stopped bothering to learn their names.

“Lastly,” Robert said, pausing about a table away, turning to Aaron and pretending to fix his tie, “is Thomas Bosman and his fiancé. They won’t talk to you if you don’t talk to them.”

Aaron glanced behind Robert to the table, the woman he guessed was Eden chatting to a very nervous looking man that Aaron thought he recognized from Robert’s dinner. Looking back to Robert, Aaron gave a nod. “Thanks,” he said, because he had a feeling that was entirely for Aaron’s benefit. He didn’t know if his own nerves had been showing that strongly, or if once again Robert just _knew_ that Aaron would need the coaching, but he was grateful regardless.

They both turned back to the table, and as Robert approached, all the men stood, ready to shake his hand before moving on to Aaron, shaking his hand as well. Introductions went well enough. Aaron noted the look of surprise on some of the faces, but no one looked particularly put off by the idea of Robert bringing a male date, which was really all Aaron could hope for from relative strangers.

“So love, how long have you two been together?” Eden asked, leaning her shoulder into Robert’s to get closer to the pair of them. Aaron picked up his water, working in tandem with Robert. He started to drink as Robert fielded the question.

“Only about two months now,” he said, voice dropped low as if he had just divulged a secret to her, and by her soft gasp, she bought it.

Aaron just nodded along as she said, “That’s just incredible. You two are just a picture, aren’t they George?” Eden elbowed her husband who was currently stuffing his napkin into his collar paying them no attention. “I would have bet money that you two were years along by now. Oh, you remind me so much of my third husband,” she said, patting Aaron’s hand.

“Err, thanks,” Aaron said, sliding his hand away and under the table to avoid any more contact. The table engaged in small talk, mostly between Robert and Eden, but as the discussion turned to gossip about work, Aaron nudged Robert’s side.

“I really can’t sit here much longer without a beer,” Aaron whispered, and Robert nodded. The envelope he had been handed earlier had the drink tickets, which Robert tore off to give them each one, before he excused the pair of them from the table.

The beer – and later, the food – made the night move faster. Robert was pulled in twelve different directions over the course of the night, and after about five awkward introductions, Aaron excused himself back to their table. Every so often, Aaron would look around the room for Robert, and every time, it was like Robert knew he was looking and he would turn to acknowledge him, even from across the way.

At one point in the night, he was watching Robert tell a small group of people a story, his hands animated and expression open as he talked. Aaron couldn’t tell what he was saying, but something flashed in his mind, that feeling of déjà vu returning, but this time, it felt like a _memory._ Something that he had felt once before – or possibly saw? – that he couldn’t place. It spun his thoughts, and he needed air.

The balcony door was thankfully unlocked, so Aaron let himself out. The cool air hit him quickly and he realized just how stuffy the room had become. Rain had begun to fall, but it was nothing more than a light drizzle that ran off the awning above him. There was already a couple of people on the balcony smoking and chatting amongst themselves. The area wasn’t big enough for Aaron to really be alone, but it was worlds better than being inside.

He let himself shut his eyes to recall the memory.

He couldn’t remember anything tangible. There was no scenery, no other people, not even himself in any space. But there were feelings, emotions. He remembers laughing, warmth, the feeling of being completely safe with another person. He thought for a moment that person might be Robert. It wouldn’t be the first time where he had thought fondly of the other man, but it had never been like this. Where he felt like Robert’s presence was surrounding him, even when he wasn’t physically there.

Aaron couldn’t explain it. Maybe it was wishful thinking, or maybe it was these concurrent meetings with Robert that were tricking his mind into idealizing the moments.

The door opened again, and Aaron turned to watch the smokers go back inside, leaving him alone. He cupped his hands around his mouth, breathing warmth into them as he looked out into the city. He could see the council building, and the Wheel, but mostly there were lights from the surrounding buildings and dark grey clouds against the night’s sky.

He pulled out his phone to check the time, sighing when he saw it was only 8:42PM. They’d still need to be there at least until half nine, after the raffle. Robert had told them it was a tradition at each of these events, and while neither of them were particularly interested in winning a Kindle or cheap decanter set, it was still important to stick around until then. Etiquette, or something like it.

The swell of some Katy Perry song alerted Aaron’s attention to the door where Robert had just come through, shutting it behind himself until there was nothing but high tempo bass once more. Robert shivered against the cold, and Aaron smiled, turning back to look out at the world around them. The wind had begun to pick up, and the altitude made everything feel more drafty than usual. He felt more than saw Robert lean against the rail beside him, his arm pressed against Aaron’s.

“Was wondering where you had gone off to,” Robert said, looking at Aaron briefly.

“Sorry. Was startin’ to feel cramped in there,” Aaron replied.

Robert hummed in agreement. “Well, you lasted longer than some of my other dates used to,” he said.

“You bring a lot of _dates_ to this sort of thing then?” Aaron asked.

“I used to, yeah. When I first started here with the company, I had a pretty steady girlfriend, but that didn’t last long. And then it just started becoming a game of ‘What girl will Robert bring this time?’ but it felt like every girl I brought was just there to mingle and network. They were all just opportunistic and took it _so seriously_.”

“So, what? You just stopped?”

Aaron was now fully looking at Robert, watching him look to Aaron then to one of the benches farthest away from the railing. Robert walked over to the seat and placed his hand down onto it, presumably checking if it was damp from rain, before deciding that it was suitable and sitting down. Aaron followed suit, sitting beside him.

“There just really wasn’t a point in coming to these things after a while. I’d donate money and give my apologies, and that was it,” Robert said.

Aaron nodded absentmindedly. “So people must be thinking-”

“That I’m gay?” Robert interrupted. “Yeah, probably. No use in trying to correct them at their age. And it’s not like it matters much. I’m already in my 30s and have managed to rile up nearly everyone I’ve ever dated. Hell, I had to practically con _you_ into coming with me, I’m not exactly on my way to bringing a real date with me any time soon.”

Aaron felt himself shift in his seat, leaning to the left, away from Robert. During their conversation, he must have moved in closer than he had meant to, but the reminder that none of this was real made him acutely aware of his surroundings. He thought he might have heard Robert sigh, but he couldn’t look at him. Not when they were this close. Not when Aaron felt like he was struggling against muscle memory, needing to pull himself away.

He wanted to tell Robert that he shouldn’t talk about himself like that, as if there was something wrong with Robert that would make him un-dateable. He wanted to remind him that he was Robert Sugden, and that if he merely shouted, girls and guys would come running in an instant.

Instead, he said, “Well, if you keep it up, you’ll be on your way to being Edna’s next husband in no time.”

A surprised laugh from Robert startled Aaron, a true “Ha!” that sent chills through him, a mixture of pride at making Robert laugh that met with the fondness he tried his best to hide. Aaron bit his lip as Robert’s eyes crinkled and the warm yellow lights from overhead cast soft shadows across his face.

“See, and that,” Robert said, voice shaking from the remnants of laughter, “is why you’ve been the best date so far.”

“Well, we’re in this together, aren’t we?” Aaron replied.

“Mm, together,” Robert agreed. He parted his lips briefly as he scoot himself closer to Aaron, who let himself lean back to his right to meet him halfway before music filled the space again, the wind rushing passed them and into the hall as the door opened.

“Oh, there you two are! We thought you’d gone!” Eden called to them, unnecessarily loud for the small space. Aaron watched as she nearly sloshed her wine out of its glass, and he breathed in deep, already bracing himself to rejoin the crowd.

“We’re taking pictures, c’mon, c’mon you two,” she continued, moving outside to grab Robert’s arm, gripping onto it tightly while Aaron shot him an “I told you so” look behind her back. Robert’s eyes widened comically as he was dragged back inside, Aaron following behind.

Aaron had seen Mr. Monroe earlier that evening, about three beers ago, but the man was much looser now, his cheeks flushed from alcohol and the warmth of the room. “Robert! Aaron!” he called, gesturing over for them to join the group photo that was taking place.

Aaron was reluctant, but Robert had not-so-subtly grabbed him by the shoulder, leaning in to whisper, “You are not leaving me alone with these people,” before guiding him to the group. They must have posed for a dozen different photos, different combinations of people flurrying around him as they posed and re-posed. By the third or so picture, Robert’s arm had circled around Aaron’s waist and had stayed there through each change, anchoring him to Robert’s side in a way that Aaron wasn’t sure was more for his benefit, or Robert’s.

“Alright, alright, alright!” a man in a tan suit announced into the mic, and a few people laughed at the poor impression. Everyone’s attention turned to him as he announced the raffle. Robert’s hand against his waist hadn’t dropped, and instead Aaron was being nudged carefully away from the gathering crowd.

 _Ready to go?_ Robert mouthed, and Aaron nodded in agreement. They moved slowly through the room, taking their exit when the announcer called out “Desiree Flemings!” to win the prize and the group shouted in congratulations. Robert made a beeline for the lifts, and Aaron took a moment to notice that the table from earlier was gone before they got inside, Robert pressing the Close Doors button over and over until it finally shut.

In the silence of the lift, Aaron realized how tired he was actually feeling. He wasn’t used to crowds of strangers like this, and while it wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever been to, it definitely unsettled him. He realized after he and Robert exited the lift and out the hotel lobby that he hadn’t even heard much about the charity itself. He assumed that money had been raised, but by the time he and Robert had come back inside, the kids were already gone.

“Where’d you park?” Robert asked him once they got outside.

“The car park over that way,” Aaron answered, pointing in the general direction. Robert nodded and set off the opposite direction that Aaron pointed.

“Mine is closer. C’mon, I’ll drive you back to your car,” he called back to Aaron.

The rain was coming down harder now, not enough to be a bother, but Aaron still didn’t want to walk much farther in it. Catching up to Robert, they walked in silence. He didn’t know if it was necessarily comfortable, though. Aaron felt like there were a million things he hadn’t said, and could feel the same tension running through Robert, but still, he kept quiet.

They got to Robert’s awful Cherokee, Aaron scoffing as he got in, the sight of it still churning up his anger from when they first met. Robert rolled his eyes, patting the dashboard as if to soothe his car from Aaron’s taunt. Aaron pointed the way to his own car, listening to the back and forth of the windscreen wiper. Robert parked himself in the nearest space he could find to Aaron’s car, bringing a hand out to stop Aaron before he could get out.

“Thank you, for today,” Robert said. “I know I kind of backed you into a corner to come with me in the first place, but still. Thank you for making this whole thing bearable.”

“S’alright,” was all Aaron could say.

Robert smiled at him, tilting his head. “I suppose I owe you a favor now.”

Aaron nodded, holding on to the energy that Robert was creating. “I suppose you do.”

“Any ideas on how you want me to repay you?” and that was _definitely_ flirting. Aaron may not be the world’s most experienced, but Robert’s voice had dropped deeper, and he wouldn’t stop smiling.

“Hmm. Well, you’ll have to wait until I say, won’t you?” Aaron shot back.

Robert licked his lips quickly as he settled back into his seat. “I don’t mind a bit of _waiting._ ”

Aaron huffed a laugh, his head dropping forward as he shook it. “Goodnight, Robert,” he said finally, opening the door and getting out, pausing before closing it to hear Robert say, “Sweet dreams,” which Aaron felt was a little odd to say, but he accepted it anyway.

Shutting the door, he head over to his car, the reflector tape a silly little nuisance that he hadn’t gotten rid of signaling his way. He looked over his shoulder, only mildly surprised to see that Robert had rolled down the window, waiting for Aaron to start his car before driving away.


	2. Chapter 2

**** **R** ****

**To: Aaron** (Tue, Nov 15, 9:12 AM)  
 _Hey x_

**From: Aaron** (Tue, Nov 15, 2:18 PM)  
 _Hey_

**To: Aaron** (Tue, Nov 15, 4:45 PM)  
 _Hey xx_

**From: Aaron** (Tue, Nov 15, 6:07 PM)  
 _Robert._

**To: Aaron**   
_How was work?_

**From: Aaron**   
_Fine_   
_Well...mostly_

**To: Aaron**   
_Mostly?_   
_Sounds ominous_

**From: Aaron**   
_A kid knocked over one of my waiters_   
_They were carrying wine_   
_Got it all over himself and started crying_

**To: Aaron**   
_The kid or the waiter?_

**From: Aaron** (Tue, Nov 15, 7:10 PM)  
 _Honestly? Both_  
 _Parents blamed him and not their damn kid_

**To: Aaron**   
_Let me guess_   
_They needed to “speak to the manager” ?_

**To: Aaron**   
_Don’t._   
_Don’t even say those words_

************

**To: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 11:27 AM)  
 _…_  
 _..............._

**From: Aaron**   
_?_

**To: Aaron**   
_Did you mean to send that picture to me?_

**From: Aaron**   
_Yeah_   
_Looks just like you_

**To: Aaron**   
_It’s a giraffe_   
_Wearing a tie_

**From: Aaron**   
_Yeah_   
_:)_

**To: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 1:30 PM)  
 _So that giraffe…_

**From: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 1:58 PM)  
 _Don’t even try to ask me if its tie is better on the top or bottom of its neck_

**To: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 2:12 PM)  
 _.........._  
 _So…_  
 _That giraffe_

**From: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 2:15 PM)  
 _And if you try to turn it into a top or bottom innuendo I’ll block you_

**To: Aaron**   
_;)_

**To: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 2:30 PM)  
 _Aaron?_

**To: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 6:37 PM)  
 _:(_

**From: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 9:10 PM)  
 _Are you off work tomorrow?_

**To: Aaron**   
_Yeah_   
_Just me and season 4 of house of cards_   
_*eggplant*_

**From: Aaron**   
_Uhhhh_   
_Kevin Spacey really do it for you or something?_   
_Maybe a bit of what’s her name?_   
_The one from forrest gump_

**To: Aaron**   
_Robin Wright?_

**From: Aaron**   
_Sure_

**To: Aaron**   
_What are you talking about?_

**From: Aaron**   
_*eggplant*_

**To: Aaron**   
_Yeah it’s a vegetable_   
_I’m vegging out on the couch all day_

**From: Aaron**   
_That’s not what that means_

**To: Aaron**   
_What’s it mean then?_   
_Oh._   
_Wait._

**From: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 9:47 PM)  
 _Anyway_  
 _Come to the pub again and keep me company_  
 _Covering again for my mate_  
 _Free pint in it for you_

**To: Aaron**   
_Well if there’s free beer_   
_I suppose I can spare a few hours out of my busy schedule_   
_I'm sure Mr. Spacey will understand_

**From: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 10:28 PM)  
 _My hero_

**To: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 11:27 PM)  
 _Honestly though Aaron_  
 _You don’t have to bribe me to spend time with you_  
 _I’m more than happy to see you. No matter what I’m doing_

**To: Aaron** (Sat, Nov 19, 11:52 PM)  
 _See you tomorrow x_

************

**From: Aaron** (Mon, Dec 5, 5:17 PM)  
 _I hate this_

**From: Aaron** (Mon, Dec 5, 5:49 PM)  
 _Mate this is actual torture_

**From: Aaron** (Mon, Dec 5, 6:28 PM)  
 _What’d I ever do to you to deserve this?_

**To: Aaron** (Mon, Dec 5, 6:33 PM)  
 _Aaron you promised you’d do this for me_

**From: Aaron**   
_That was before I remembered how bad it was_

**To: Aaron**   
_It’s almost over isn’t it?_   
_What part are you on?_

**From: Aaron** (Mon, Dec 5, 6:41 PM)  
 _They’re all at the airport now_  
 _Why are they all so happy to be there_  
 _No one is happy at an airport_  
 _Go home_

**To: Aaron**   
_I didn’t take you for such a scrooge_

**From: Aaron**   
_"God only knows what I’d be without you"_   
_More like God only knows what I’d be without this movie_   
_Better off for one_

**To: Aaron**   
_You’re breaking my heart_   
_Love Actually is a classic_   
_I don’t know if I can condone this kind of behavior from you_

**From: Aaron**   
_As long as you remember your end of the deal_

**To: Aaron** (Mon, Dec 5, 6:52 PM)  
 _For the last time_  
 _Nightmare before Christmas isn’t a Christmas movie_

**From: Aaron**   
_It’s got Christmas in the title_

**To: Aaron**   
_BEFORE Christmas_   
_He’s a skeleton_   
_It’s for Halloween_

**From: Aaron**   
_Robert._

**To: Aaron**   
_Fine_   
_But you’re still wrong_

**** **R** ****

Ever since Robert hit his twenties, he had been known to have a flair for the dramatics. His mum figures it had something to do with moving out of the village into the city, and while it hardly compared to cities like New York or even London, he had to agree with her. Moving away from the landscapes and earthy tones of the Dales and never looking back did him good. Allowed him to be the man he always knew he was.

But _this?_ Robert wasn’t just being dramatic when he said that his entire life changed the night of the gala, and it all had to do with Aaron. For weeks since he met him, back when he was just a surly ball of poorly hidden anger and Robert felt the need to goad him with his superiority complex, Aaron had been drifting in and out of his dreams. The dreams had begun as nothing more than a jumble of sights and sounds that Robert couldn’t piece together, fragments of them missing by morning light, but something nagged at him.

It was a small voice that kept telling Robert to _“Remember”_ but he couldn’t for the life of him remember _what._ The dreams got stronger with Aaron right there at the center of them all, and they slowly started to feel more real, as if Robert could just reach out and touch the sand on the beaches off the Gower Peninsula, feeling like he had just spent weeks there, as if it were the only place safe for him in the entire world.

But he knew that wasn’t true. He’d never spent a day in Wales, let alone at a beach, but the dreams felt like _memories_ that didn’t belong to him, and mornings felt harder and harder. He didn’t want to rouse himself from sleep, wanting to hold on to these moments with Aaron, no matter what they meant.

And he had a feeling he knew.

The night of the gala, Robert had a dream that he knew wasn’t his own. There was a little girl – barely older than a year with soft strands of blonde hair and soft pink cheeks – and she was sat in a cot, crying hard. Robert could barely see the rest of the room but he knew that he was there with her, but it was like he was trapped behind invisible glass. Aaron was pacing, and the room suddenly felt cavernous, like the whole world was sinking through the floor until all there was were the cries from the baby. Robert felt a surge of overprotectiveness for her, laced with something that he could only describe as terror.

He didn’t understand what it meant, and when he woke, he thought he might be crying. It was a one in a million chance, but Robert would have bet his life that what he’d been feeling was the Connection forming. Fate was pulling her strings, bonding his soul to Aaron’s and more than anything, Robert just wanted to know what the dreams _meant._ He couldn’t ask Aaron – God knows what would happen to Aaron if his body hadn’t fully accepted the bond yet – and he knew he’d be hard pressed to find anything useful online, just hundreds upon thousands of tall tales and lore about the Connection, but nothing truly concrete.

Even in 2016, there was so little known about the soul bond, just that it was incredibly rare – only one out of a million people would ever Connect, and people would spend their entire lives waiting, moving from relationship to relationship hoping to find “The One” – and there was even less about the sharing of dreams. There were millions of books made to interpret dreams, but far fewer about ones like this.

He knew he’d just have to wait. For now, he had to push it down, smothering his need to blurt out everything and just be with _Aaron._ He couldn’t rush him, had to let Aaron set the pace and come to _him._

So, in the days and weeks between, Robert contented himself on the little bits and pieces of Aaron he could get. He scrolled through his phone during lulls at work, smiling at the weeks’ worth of text messages between him and Aaron. He’d gotten into the habit of re-reading them whenever he was alone, where no one could judge him for the pink that flushed his cheeks as he laughed, or the way he drifted off into thoughts of what he could say next to make the other man smile.

That had to be enough.

**** **A** ****

**To: Robert** (Today, 7:18 PM)  
 _“Patience is your ally at the moment. Don’t worry!”_

**From: Robert**   
_Huh_   
_Well it’s not wrong_   
_Vague, but not wrong_

**To: Robert**   
_Better than the ones that just say_   
_"Have a great day :)”_

**From: Robert**   
_I got one that said_   
_“Wash your hands before eating”_   
_Yeah cheers for that. Thanks mum_

Aaron laughed at the message, unlocking his phone to reply when he received another text alert, not from Robert, but from Belle.

**From: Belle** (Today, 7:21 PM)  
 _Sorry!!!!!!_

Confused, he moved forward to set down his Chinese takeaway on the coffee table and rubbed his hands on his jeans. Before he could reply, though, his phone rang.

_Mum._

Sighing, he pressed Accept and answered, “Alright mum?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?” Chas asked accusingly. Aaron froze. _There’s no way she could know-_

“What are you on about?” he asked, feigning ignorance.

“Belle’s just shown me the photos! You’re all dressed up with some blondie hanging off you like he’s your arm candy. Why have you never told me about him?” Chas continued, mumbling to herself as she presumably scanned whatever photos she was talking about, Aaron catching the words _tall_ and _lovesick_ before he interrupted her.

“Mum, really. What are you on about? What photos?” Aaron asked, moving into his bedroom to find his laptop before sitting cross-legged on his bed, phone wedged between his shoulder and head as he typed in his password.

“On Facebook! Some woman’s tagged you in loads of photos from some charity ball or summat. I didn’t know you were a part of those sorts of things,” she said, sounding hurt, as if Aaron was leading some secret double life of the bourgeoisie she didn’t know about.

Logging in, he spared a moment to be grateful for the “Remember me” button – _When was the last time I used this thing?_ – before checking his tagged photos. Sure enough, the photos he’d been roped into taking with Robert were at the top of his page – _feed? timeline?_ – and Aaron had to take a second to process it.

He couldn’t be bothered to look at himself, or the incredibly flattering sheen the camera's flash left on his forehead, but instead stared at Robert. Of the nearly 20 pictures, Robert was almost always staring straight ahead into the camera, with some taken through phone photos at awkward angles, but there was one. Right at the beginning.

The photo was taken candidly, before anyone was ready. Robert’s hand was loose against Aaron’s waist, guiding him in as Aaron stared down at his chest, adjusting his tie. They were a picture of opposites, with Robert’s floral shirt, blonde hair, and striking features, and Aaron in monochrome, frowning, all dark features and nothing like the man next to him. But it was the look in Robert’s eyes that caught Aaron’s attention. Even through the grain of the low quality photo, Aaron couldn’t deny how, well, _lovesick_ Robert really looked.

A creeping warmth filled the hollows of Aaron’s bones, his body feeling like it was melting straight into the mattress.

“-and honestly she’s barely my age, why’s she dressed like a nun?” Chas continued, and Aaron realized she must have been nattering away the whole time.

He hummed non-committedly, shutting his laptop and ignoring the chime of a new text message, no doubt Robert double-texting him. They’d gotten used to each other’s schedules over the past few weeks. Robert knew Aaron wouldn’t answer him while he was at work unless he was on his lunch break, and Aaron knew that Robert would likely drop everything to answer him back, no matter where he was.

They’d built up a good back and forth, passing up any small talk and jumping straight into texting like they’d been friends for ages. Robert was good at that. He had a way of making Aaron feel like the center of all his attention, but he wouldn’t – _couldn’t_ – let that get to him. Robert probably made loads of people feel that way.

“Aaron?” Chas asked, sounding frustrated.

“Hmm?” he asked back, focusing back to her.

“I asked when you were plannin’ on introducing us,” she said and Aaron nearly strained himself from how hard he rolled his eyes. _Typical,_ he thought as she continued, “Because I want to be part of your life more, Aaron. I know with how things were you couldn’t wait to get away from me, but you’re still my baby boy and I’m so proud of the man you’ve become, and if this what’s-his-face is good enough for you, then I want to-”

“Mum, stop, stop,” Aaron said, cutting off Chas’ rant. She usually only got this way when she was drunk, or weepy. And judging by the sniffles from the other side of the line, he knew he needed to stop her before she went on a one-woman tirade needlessly defending her son’s honor.

“Oh! Why don’t you bring him ‘round for Debbie’s wedding? That way he can meet the whole lot!” Chas said, excited by the idea.

_No._

“Mum, really, that’s-” Aaron tried to say, but Chas interrupted.

“Unless that’s a bit much? It’s a bit much isn’t it? Yeah. Well! If not, I’m sure we can hide you away from Brian for a while at least,” Chas said, and Aaron shuddered. Brian was Debbie’s husband-to-be’s second cousin, and had been breathing down Aaron’s neck since they met.

_Double no._

“You know what,” _stop stop stop!_ , “now that you mention it,” _Aaron, shut up!_ , “Robert should be fine with it. I’ll ask him later.”

_Great._

“Really? Well, then, yay!” Chas said, her thrill obvious in her voice. She kept going on about when and where to meet, something about Cain, and another something about Charity, but Aaron was barely listening. Popping her onto speaker, he typed out his message to Robert.

**To: Robert** (Today, 7:36 PM)  
 _Remember how you owe me?_

**From: Robert**   
_Why?_   
_Finally thought of something you want me to do?_   
_;) xx_

**To: Robert**   
_Come with me to a wedding?_

**From: Robert**   
_Oh_   
_You want me to be your date to a wedding?_   
_That’s it?_

**To: Robert**   
_Well…_   
_It’s my cousin’s wedding_   
_So my mum will be there_

**From: Robert**   
_Ah._

**To: Robert**   
_And my uncle_   
_And aunt_   
_And basically the rest of my family as well_

**From: Robert**   
_When’s it?_

**To: Robert**   
_This Saturday?_   
_But we’d need to get there Friday night_

“-you even listening to me?” Chas said, and Aaron stuck the phone back up to his ear.

“Sorry,” he said, sheepishly. “I weren’t.”

Chas sighed. “Alright, I’ll leave you to it then. Call me when you’re on your way up.”

“Yeah, alright mum.” Aaron hung up without ceremony, going back to his messages with Robert.

**From: Robert** (Today, 7:38 PM)  
 _Why Friday_  
 _But yes, I’ll be there. You know I’ll be there x_  
 _But wait where is it?_  
 _Who’s the bride?_  
 _Or rather what does she like?_

**From: Robert** (Today, 7:40 PM)  
 _Aaron?_

**To: Robert** (Today, 7:42 PM)  
 _Sorry_  
 _It’s barely out of Sheffield_  
 _But mum needs my help early morning_  
 _So unless you want to drive yourself on Saturday_  
 _And risk me being busy and fending for yourself_  
 _We’re leaving Friday_

**From: Robert**   
_Got it_

**To: Robert** (Today, 7:45 PM)  
 _What’s it matter what Debs likes?_

**To: Robert**   
_I’m not showing up to a wedding without a gift Aaron!_   
_Do you think she'd like an engraved cheese board?_

**** **R** ****

He felt like he’d been walking for hours as cracked shells and flakes of rock cut at his skin with every step he took, the water cold beneath his feet as he stared out into the horizon, the sunset frozen in time, painting the sky orange, to pink, to plum. The beach melted away beneath him like quicksand, the weight of his body sinking deeper, his legs prickling, restless.

Storm clouds were rolling in and his skin felt clogged with saltwater, but he needed to keep moving. Each step he tread him deeper into the sand until he found himself calf-deep and unable to move forward. He could hear his mother calling his name, but no matter which way he turned, he couldn’t see her.

_She must be in the water._

The tide was coming in, knocking him back as he anchored himself into the trench he had made, watching as it filled itself with water and foam as the ocean pushed toward him, calling for him to let go. Aaron was there beside him, laying on top of the sand and watching the skies, silent as always. Robert watched as the waves rolled over him before receding back, panic clouding every thought until all he could do was scream.

“Aaron! Aaron just go! You can do it, you can just leave! Please!”

But it was no use.

It never was.

The tide rolled in, carrying Aaron away into its depths. Aaron spared a moment to turn his gaze to Robert before shutting his eyes for good, letting the sea take him as a tidal wave crashed into Robert’s body, forcing him backwards. Electricity crackled through the air while leaflets of paper rained down, each piece burning as it touched the sand. Robert plugged his nose and mouth with both hands, squeezing tight as each wave knocked the breath from him.

Surrounded by water, his eyes stung from the brine as he fought for purchase on anything that would help him back to the surface, but the weight of the water buried him. He settled, watching as the bubbles floated to the top, toward _freedom,_ his sight clearing. Through the water, Robert could see Aaron standing with Sarah, neither aware that the other was there.

He could have sworn that Aaron reached out a hand toward him, something knowing in his eyes, before everything stopped.

No sight. No sound. Nothingness.

_Weightless…_

 

_…then falling…_

 

_…then sinking…_

 

Robert’s leg jerked and suddenly he was awake, the cold December air chilling the sweat that clung to his body. He reached blindly for the blankets he had kicked off of himself, wrapping himself up tight and praying for a comfort that wouldn’t come.

He had planned on waking early to pack for the weekend trip with Aaron, and 2:00 AM was just a good a time as any to get started.

30 minutes of back and forth and one un-answered call to Aaron later and he was sorted. He had pushed the dream aside, refusing to think about what it meant, and how it hadn’t been the first time that particular dream had left him shaking by morning.

No. Stupid thoughts and fabricated stressors were not going to get the best of him. If he didn’t think about them, they couldn’t control him.

_Right?_

_Right._

So he focused his thoughts into his work, stretching menial busy-work into hour long projects. Anything to stop himself from watching the clock. He wanted to see Aaron before work, maybe walk with him from the car park to the gym Aaron liked to frequent, but he knew Aaron had taken the day off today. They’d caught up once or twice in the mornings since their first meeting, but each time grew further and further apart. Robert had bought himself a juicer. Aaron didn’t have the time to go to the gym every morning like he had promised himself he would.

Things had changed, and Robert couldn’t help but thank whatever force had interfered in their lives that brought them together when it did – not just once, but twice.

He didn’t think he’d ever stop feeling grateful for Aaron Dingle.

Minutes passed, turning into hours. He took the afternoon off, leaving early to get back home before Aaron came to pick him up, and before he knew it he was less than an hour away from first impressions and pleasantries. Suddenly, everything felt all too _real._

“Mum’s name?” Aaron asked, eyes focused on the road ahead as Robert watched the landscape pass through the passenger’s side window.

“Chas,” Robert answered, earning a nod of approval from Aaron.

Aaron had been quizzing him on the drive over about all the stuff a boyfriend should know. They had kept their agreement from the first time around, capping their “relationship” to two months – now three – so as not to raise any red flags when Aaron didn’t know what Robert took for his A-levels, or when Robert didn’t know if Aaron had a taste for champagne.

“Who’s my mum’s roommate and how are they related?”

“Err, it’s your aunt. Definitely your aunt,” Robert said, tapping his hand against his knee as if it would help him jog his memory. “And her name is _Jeanie_?”

“Gennie. With a ‘G’ like-”

“Genesis! _Gennie_ , right.”

It had been a lot to remember. Even just his family members took up half the car ride, and Aaron mumbled an admittance to not knowing how most of the people who called themselves Dingles were even related to them, just that he was expected to lay down his life for them with no questions asked.

Robert thought that was a bit drastic, but with the way his family was, he couldn’t really be sure if he was just projecting.

Aaron turned off A57 into the city proper, the roads splattered with people here and there. “Alright, last up. How’d we meet?”

“We _‘ran into each other’_ in the car park,” Robert said, smirking as Aaron glared at him quickly.

“Robert,” Aaron warned, and Robert sighed.

“Yeah, alright. I wasn’t looking when I backed up into your car. No real damage was done, and I just couldn’t resist asking for your number,” Robert said, echoing the story back as Aaron had told him.

Still, Aaron sighed. He knew Robert too well.

“And really, I was just a farmer’s son raised in such a small village,” Robert continued, putting on a fanciful voice. “I just had _no idea_ what the big city had in store for me. Why, how could little old me be so _lucky_ as to find someone as rugged and handsome as your son here Ms. Dingle? And by chance and all, really I’m just the luckiest man-”

“ _Robert_ ,” Aaron warned again, and Robert laughed.

“Honestly, Aaron. I know the story. We’ve gone through it a thousand times, it’ll be alright. I’ll woo them all,” he said with a wink, and Aaron scoffed.

“You don’t know my family,” Aaron said with a laugh, more to himself than anything. “Plus, you’re too right you’d be so lucky. Who wouldn’t want all of this,” Aaron asked, gesturing vaguely at his own face. It was meant to be rhetorical, but Robert had to bite his cheek not to agree. It was one thing to joke about it, and another thing entirely for him to ever let it slip that he agreed.

So, instead, he stretched out in his seat, pushing it back to allow himself more leg room and swiftly exit that line of conversation. A yawn escaped him, and he let himself shut his eyes and just feel the vibrations of the car as Aaron slowed into a smaller street, the houses lining either side each fashioned with a rounded bay window and mismatched brick. Finally, the car rolled to a stop and Robert heard Aaron remove the keys and unbuckle his seatbelt before he peeked his eyes open.

“D’you sleep okay last night?” Aaron asked as Robert turned his head away to yawn again, his jaw popping from the force of it.

Unbuckling himself, he slouched into the seat and looked at Aaron, just for a moment. He wanted more than anything to tell him. He wanted to be able to confess that the last few nights had been consumed with nothing but _Aaron, Aaron, Aaron,_ but he knew what that would mean. That Aaron would ask too many questions, dig deeper into something he wasn’t ready to know.

So, a beat, and then, “Yeah, I slept fine. ‘M just a bit like a child, you know? Car rides tire me out, especially when I’m not the one to drive,” he lied. Aaron seemed satisfied with that answer because he just shook one of Robert’s shoulders to wake him up more fully before getting out of the car, grabbing his backpack and tossing Robert his once Robert joined him.

Going up the walkway to the front door, Aaron stuck his arm out, pausing Robert and listening toward the commotion coming from inside. It sounded like shouting, someone or some _ones_ screaming curses that Robert couldn’t make out. He heard Aaron groan and shared a look with him before he opened the door, the cacophony of screaming growing louder. On the stairs, a blonde woman stood, hands on the bannister as she leaned down to shout at a stern looking man.

“Well I wouldn’t have _had to_ if you had just let me handle it!”

“Oh, all the way out in Malaga? While I was here…”

The blonde woman pushed past them out the front door, the man following behind her, still yelling. Aaron threw his bag at the foot of the stairs, grabbing Robert’s and putting it beside it, ignoring the whole scene all together. Just as Robert was about to ask, an ecstatic, overly loud voice called from the living room.

“Aaron! Oh, my baby! You’re here!”

Robert stepped back as Aaron was embraced by a woman in fire engine red and a presence bigger than the room she stood in that could only be Aaron’s mother. Aaron hugged her back, taking a step back to brace himself against the force of her hug, trying to keep them steady.

“Hi, mum,” he said, voice muffled by her shoulder as he pushed her hair from his face.

“I’ve missed you so much baby!” she said, pressing kisses to Aaron’s face that made him push her away. She was obviously on her way to drunk already, by the way she just laughed and clung to him. She held a hand to his face, looking him over. “You look good. Doesn’t he look good?” she asked the room, and Robert leaned forward to see a group of ladies cheer and raise their glasses up to them.

Aaron scrunched his face, leaning away until his mother dropped her hand. Chas moved her gaze away from Aaron, seemingly only now realizing that Robert was standing there.

“Who’s this?” Chas said with a tilt to her voice, something flirty on her tongue.

“Mum,” Aaron said, drawing out the vowel until it was very nearly a whine.

“Robert Sugden,” Robert said, moving forward and holding out his hand to introduce himself. Chas grasped it lightly, looking him over. “And you must be Chas,” he continued, smiling, forcing away nerves that threatened to expose his composure as he thought, _Alright, stay calm. You’re just meeting the woman who raised Aaron, the man you’ve been having increasingly inappropriate thoughts about for the past few weeks. You’re fine._

“Can’t believe he’s real!” another woman called while a younger girl said, “He’s cuter in person.”

His attention was pulled to the room where a gaggle of women lounged in varying stages of drunkenness, wine bottles and beers scattered amongst the half-empty plates of food perched on end tables and across the floor. Most had started chattering away to each other again, but a few had their eyes locked on Robert, scanning him up and down looking for faults.

“Well, aren’t you gonna introduce us?” the younger girl asked, her bright smile and fair skin giving her a youthful glow.

“Oh, err, yeah,” Aaron stuttered out, turning to Robert and gesturing with his hand. “This is Robert. Robert, this is everyone.”

“Honestly, Aaron,” the girl said, standing up to introduce herself. “I’m Belle. That’s my mum, Lisa, and that’s Gennie,” she said as Gennie called out “Hiya!” before Belle continued, “She’s my brother’s sister’s sister. Whatever that makes her to me,” she said with another smile. Aaron had told him offhandedly that his family was confusing, but Robert figured he’d need a flow chart to keep everything together. Still, he nodded and extended his hand out to Belle. She didn’t bother to introduce the other women in the room, so Robert figured they must not have been family.

Aaron’s aunt stood awkwardly, and Robert finally noticed her baby bump beneath her sundress. It was much too late in the year for clothes like that, but from the sheen of sweat along her forehead, Robert figured it must be a pregnancy thing, and didn’t make a mention. He reached out to touch Aaron’s wrist, getting his attention. “Hey, we left our suits in the car. Hand me the keys?”

“Oh, yeah,” Aaron said, reaching down into his pocket and handing the keys over to Robert. Heading back out, Robert shut the door and let himself breathe. He had forgotten the suits on purpose, giving himself an out for a moments’ peace. The whole house smelled of something distinctly Aaron, mixed with the familiar warm and artificial scent of candles and dusty ornaments that meant Christmas was around the corner. He hadn’t seen a Christmas tree, but with the wedding they must have been putting it off, and Robert supposed it didn’t matter. Aaron’s family was loud and tactile, and Robert _liked them._

The winter air bit at his nose as he hurried from the porch to the car and back, and when he opened the door the second time, the dozens of voices talking over each other and the mismatched furniture felt comforting, his nerves already melting away. He draped the suits over the bannister and joined Aaron, Lisa, and Chas in the kitchen before being tugged every which way by Aaron’s family to show him photos pinned to the fridge and tucked away in bookshelves. There were only a few of him at a young age, most of them cut and pasted into a collage. Full photos of the family seemed to start once Aaron was a teenager. A day at Brighton beach with his mum, back-to-back in overalls with a girl pointed out to be Debbie, and in his waiter’s uniform with his Aunt Gennie and Chas flanking him on either side.

The frames and edges of each photo looked well-worn, and everything in the home felt loved. As Lisa talked and cooed over a photo of Aaron and Belle when they were much younger – “You were a chav?” “Shut it.” – Robert took the opportunity to wrap his arms around Aaron’s waist as he listened, feeling Aaron’s spine stiffen in surprise before slowly – _slowly_ – relaxing. He hadn’t done much to show they were a couple, and while no one had seemed outwardly suspicious of them, a little effort couldn’t hurt.

And if holding Aaron close to him until he could stuff his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, feeling the warmth of Aaron’s body spread across his chest and into his bones and comforting him in a way he hadn’t known he was missing until that moment was the price? Well, it was a tough job, but Robert was willing to do it.

_For the authenticity, of course._

Gennie’s phone chimed from the other room and she interrupted. “Sorry, that’s Debbie, something’s come up and she’ll have to meet us there,” she said, waving her phone before turning to the room. “Alright you lot, out out out!” she rallied, making pushing motions toward the door, ushering the girls outside.

Robert pulled away from Aaron but kept a hand on his lower back to anchor himself as the girls flooded past him. “Mum, you said you needed help with somethin’?” Aaron asked Chas after almost everyone had left to start piling into the cars.

“Ooh! Right, right. Where did I put that list?” Chas said, patting down her body and looking around herself as if the list would magically appear.

“We need you two to go down to the shops and buy some stuff for Bloody Marys, and also maybe something for the morning. Nothing too heavy or the girls won’t eat it. You need to pick up mine and Chas’ dresses before the shop closes, then go and drop these boxes off at the church,” Gennie said, pointing toward a load of plastic tubs lined up in the hall. “Pick up the boutonnieres and pop ‘em in the freezer, and put out some blankets and such down here just in case.”

Gennie turned to them, hand on her belly as she looked a bit frazzled. “Did you get all that?” she asked Aaron.

At Aaron’s silence, Robert stepped in. “Go and pick up your dresses then drop these at the church. Go to the shops and get the drink mix and breakfast before going to the florist to get the boutonnieres. Come back here and get them into the freezer and put out blankets. Got it,” he said, years of list making and scheduling finally paying off.

Seeming pleased, Gennie and Chas both patted Robert’s face as they walked out the door, Gennie throwing a “keep that one!” over her shoulder to Aaron, and Robert missed the way a frown tugged at Aaron’s lips as he watched them go, shutting the door behind them. The sudden silence after the commotion was deafening, a faint buzz ringing in Robert’s ear filling up the spaces.

Aaron cleared his throat, picking up his bag. “Let’s put these away first, yeah?” he asked, and Robert nodded, picking up his own bag and their suits and following Aaron up the stairs.

**** **A** ****

There’s something about having someone new in your home that makes you hyperaware of every little detail they might see. Aaron pushed his old bedroom door open, hoping that Robert didn’t notice the nicks in the wood or scuff marks along the bottom of the door and walls that Aaron had never been able to fully clean off.

The room itself smelled odd, as if Chas had just opened a window and sprayed Febreze onto his furniture before they arrived. He kicked his bag to the side of the bed, picking Robert’s up to put under the window, keeping his hands busy while Robert looked around. He hadn’t lived there long, and it had been nearly five years since he called it home, but there were still signs of him around the room that his mum insisted on keeping just in case he ever needed to come back.

Aaron’s room was barely the size of a shoebox that only really fit a single mattress and a desk, but the sight of it wrapped around him like a blanket, enveloping him and keeping him safe. Robert looked too tall for the room as he scanned over the CDs and old magazines that were scattered on his desk, picking up Aaron’s broken Zune and blowing off the dust that collected on its screen. “Were these things always this heavy?” Robert asked, weighing it in his hand before putting it back down.

Seeing Robert in his room was sending a dizzy thrill through his head. It didn’t help that his whole body was thrumming, traces of Robert’s arms etched into his skin.

He was overwhelmed.

Aaron let him wander while he lay on his bed, the mattress itself springy and uncomfortable, but it was _his._ So much of his life had been packed up and lost between cities and flats that never became a home, and it hadn’t been until this house that Aaron could start to collect things for himself. Things to keep. And while there wasn’t much – two posters ripped from car magazines and a collection of miscellanea – at least he knew he’d be able to find them again.

Robert knocked his knee into Aaron’s to get his attention. “Let’s go?” he asked and Aaron nodded, sticking his hand out for Robert to help him up even though he didn’t need it. Aaron passed Robert his phone to text his aunt about shop locations and they spent the next few hours running the errands. Robert was efficient in a way Aaron didn’t really have the attention span for, getting them in and out of each building with appropriate pleasantries, and soon enough they were headed back home.

It was only 5:30 PM by the time they popped back in to drop off the flowers, so Aaron pushed Robert right back out the door. “’m starving and unless you want to cook?” Aaron asked which earned him a firm “No.” After the meal and a shared large coffee, all Aaron wanted to do was collapse back onto his bed and sleep for 100 years, give or take.

Instead, Robert took the initiative to lay out the spare blankets in the living room and start on the Bloody Marys for the girls to drink when they inevitably came back hungover from Debs’ hen do. So Aaron just sat himself down on the counter and watched him work his way through the horseradish and lemons. Robert was only five or six years older than Aaron, but moments like these really showed his age. Aaron was fine to leave the blankets on the couch and dump the ingredients into the fridge, but then again, Aaron knew him better than that by now. He could tell Robert got his thrills from planning ahead. Every so often he would stop and bring the wooden spoon to Aaron’s lips, asking him to taste-test. He never really got the taste for Bloody Marys, but every time Robert would hum to himself as he stirred and sidle up to Aaron for his approval, Aaron was helpless not to indulge him.

_Robert’s cute, alright? Sue me._

_Finally_ Robert started to yawn, and Aaron pounced on the chance. He hopped down from the counter and exaggerated a yawn himself. “Come on,” he said, making his way back up the stairs, hearing Robert’s socked feet pad behind him up to his room. Robert had already offered to sleep on the floor, and while Aaron wasn’t too happy about that, his bed really wasn’t big enough for two adult men to sleep on.

Not if there was any intention of having personal space, at least.

Aaron gathered his things to take to the bathroom while Robert dug through his own bag. Turning to look at Aaron, he held his hands up, clothing in each hand. “I get too hot at night to wear both, but I promise I won’t accost you by just wearing my underwear, so which one?” Robert held up a plain t-shirt in one hand and pajama pants in the other, moving them up and down as if he were weighing them.

_Neither’s fine with me_ , Aaron thought, but pointed to the pants instead. He left Robert in his room and went down the hall to the bathroom to brush his teeth and comb what he could of the gel out of his hair before he paused to look at himself in the mirror. The realization that Robert Sugden was _in his room_ made Aaron more alert than he had been all evening.

It wasn’t like they were sneaking around. Aaron was 25 years old and it’s not like his mum didn’t know Robert was there, but still. He had a _guy_ in his _room_ with his mother just down the hall – granted, Chas was likely going to be passed out on her bed draped in a feather boa and glitter, well passed drunk enough to notice – and it sent a weird thrill through him.

By the time Aaron came back, Robert sat at the foot of his bed, legs stretched out until his feet touched the headboard. His attention was fixated on his phone, allowing Aaron the time to take in the freckles that dotted his shoulders and the way the overhead light bathed him in oranges and shadows. Calming his racing heart, he cleared his throat to fill the silence.

Robert looked up and back down to his phone, typing out a few more words before locking it and tossing it onto the bag with his clothes. “Sorry. Emails from work,” Robert said, stretching out further and leaning back on his arms, his chest on display, goosebumps prickling his skin from the cold. Aaron rounded the bed and situated himself opposite of Robert, earning himself a playful nudge from Robert’s foot.

“Look at us. Proper sleepover we’ve got here,” Robert teased while Aaron pushed his foot away, laughing. “Come on then, what should we talk about? Clothes? Music? Boys?”

“Ugh, good _night_ ,” Aaron groaned, slouching down on the bed and pretending to block Robert out.

“Hey! No, come on!” Robert laughed, pulling the duvet back to look at him. “Right then, guilt free three, go,” he said once Aaron sat back up.

“You what?” Aaron asked him, confused.

“Your guilt free three. Three people, usually celebrities, that you’re allowed to fantasize about without anyone getting jealous,” Robert answered as if it were common knowledge.

Aaron bit his cheek as he looked Robert up and down. “Well who would I have to get jealous over me?” he asked, his voice dropping low. He watched Robert part his lips, neither breaking eye contact for a beat before Robert smirked.

“Humor me?” he asked, voice dripping with honey and saccharine sweet.

Aaron breathed in deeply through his nose before shrugging. “I dunno, guess I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Oh, come on. Everyone’s thought about it,” Robert urged.

“Well, what about you then?”

Robert looked up in thought before deciding. “Evan Rachel Wood, definitely. And, like, before West World, back when she was in Across the Universe. But I reckon I could go for a bit of Tom Hardy, too.”

Aaron waited before asking, “What about your third? Aren’t it guilt free _three_?”

Robert crossed his legs, scooting himself closer to Aaron until his knees were at Aaron’s hip. “Kit Harington’s good, isn’t he? That dark hair and the beard. Think I could fancy myself the brooding type,” he said, and Aaron darted his eyes across the room, doing everything he could not to make contact with the eyes that bore into him.

_You’ve got dark hair and a beard! You’re the brooding type!_

_Shut up, shut up, shut up._

“Ricky Whittle,” Aaron said, spitting out the first name he could think of before turning his eyes back to Robert’s. He couldn’t help but laugh when Robert’s smile started to drop as the gears turned in his head. _Ricky Whittle couldn’t be more opposite._ Pitying him, he gave his real answer. “Fernando Torres. LFC.”

He watched while Robert reached for Aaron’s phone, his own on the ground and too far away. He must have Googled him, because the smile was back and Aaron just shook his head, forcing himself not to be endeared. “Yeah, he’s alright. Good head shape. Nice hair. I approve,” Robert said, handing Aaron back his phone.

“Gee, thanks.”

From the floor, Robert’s phone pinged with another message. He groaned, flopping onto his stomach to reach the phone without getting up, holding down the lock button until the screen went black. “There, it’s off,” he said, voice strained as he hoisted himself back into sitting position. “Did I tell you that I sold that one house for £2 mil?”

“The one with the two kitchens? Someone actually bought that?” Aaron asked as he pulled the duvet around his shoulders, the sight of Robert’s chest now just making him colder.

“Mm, two kitchens, five bathrooms, and only one living room. How about that?” Robert said with an eye roll. Aaron knew Robert loved his job – schmoozing people and convincing them to spend their money on ridiculous luxuries was Robert’s bread and butter – but even _he_ had his limits.

“Well, it’s a far stretch from this,” Aaron said, gesturing to his room.

Robert smiled wide, glancing around himself. “No, I like it. Feels lived in, you know? I’ve had my own house now for over a year, but I haven’t bothered to do it up. Feels more like a hotel than a home,” he said.

“Can’t imagine that. My mum moved us around so much, but even then, she always had _stuff_ layin’ around everywhere. It’s how she grew up. It’s how the rest of the lot are.” Aaron had spent his teenage years dodging clutter and pushing bits and bobs off of tables to find a place to set his food down, and nothing in his life made him feel more normal. Living alone in a one bedroom flat just didn’t feel the same.

Robert nodded absently, licking his lips in thought before saying, “Aaron, can I ask something?” Aaron stilled, something heavy in the air at Robert’s shift in tone.

There’s something about the hours around midnight - when the world around you quiets and the lines between continence and intimacy separate, where the walls that hide your secrets turn to mist and your heart is laid bare – that makes questions float past your lips like they burned if not asked.

Robert’s voice was barely more than a whisper, but felt booming in the stillness. At Aaron’s hum of acknowledgement, Robert continued. “You never really talk about when you were a child. Only ever stuff about you and your mum when you were a teenager. And all the photos of you when you were little are cut out, and, well…” Robert trailed off, his words posed like a question, not knowing how to ask what he meant to, but Aaron understood. He had hoped Robert wouldn’t ask, but knew that wasn’t fair to expect. He’d never talked about his childhood, sure, but he never talked about it being bad either. Of course Robert would be curious.

Still, his stomach churned and his throat felt clogged. He shifted away from Robert to lay on his side, and he sent a silent thank you to whomever was listening that let Robert know not to move in closer. Aaron liked having him near, of course he did, but he didn’t think he’d really appreciate it at that moment.

“My mum left me dad when I were eight,” he started before blowing out a breath to still himself. “Things were bad between them, and she figured I’d be better off staying with him. He, well-” Aaron said, cutting himself off. “It was worse for me, after mum left. She didn’t know, and I was only little, I couldn’t just call her or tell her. I just had to live with it.

“And then my dad married Sandra, and they had my little sister, and I thought things were going to be okay, you know?” Aaron swallowed, not knowing what to say from there. Almost 15 years later and his name still crowded his thoughts every single day.

_This never gets easier._

Robert took his silence in stride, readjusting himself on Aaron’s bed so his back was to the headboard. Almost as if he hadn’t meant to, Robert reached out to fix a lock of Aaron’s hair and Aaron closed his eyes at the touch.

When he pulled his hand back, Aaron sighed. “I started kickin’ off, thinkin’ I were this big man but I wasn’t even eleven. My dad, he-” a beat. Then, “Sandra called the police on him. My mum got custody of me and Sandra took my sister and I just remember it happening so fast. One second I was there in that house, and that was just my life, and the next I’m bunking with me mum in a one bedroom flat in the middle of the school year.”

“That’s why you moved around so much?” Robert asked, his voice sounding strained but Aaron couldn’t look at him to find out why. If he was going to talk about this, he couldn’t watch the way Robert’s eyes would change, the pity in them speaking volumes, even if he meant them to or not.

“Yeah. Mum changed my last name to Dingle, moved us down south for a while before she couldn’t stand it. Went everywhere we could before Auntie Gennie came along. Mum moved us closer to the rest of the lot and that was it,” Aaron finished.

The words _police_ and _eight years old_ , and the sick feeling that it all sounded too rushed, rehearsed, like Aaron was ripping off a plaster that he had peeled off too many times before hung between them. Robert was quiet, but Aaron got it.

_What are you meant to say to that?_

“So it was just you and your mum then?” Robert settled on, choosing redundancy of a question he already knew the answer to rather than unduly stressing Aaron further than he already had been. Aaron was grateful for it.

Aaron finally sat back up, looking at Robert quickly before looking back down at his lap. “Yeah, for a while there,” he answered. “Cain and Debs don’t live far, and we see more of me Uncle Zak than we’d like, but seein’ Lis and Belle’s worth it.”

“Must be nice havin’ them around, though. You all seem close,” Robert said, trying – bless him – to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, ‘s alright. It were harder for Cain and Zak to be around me the first few years. They never really visited, and when we’d go ‘round to theirs they could barely look at me. It was like they thought they had let me down or summat, and, y’know, the longer it went on, the less I needed them. I had my mum and Gennie, and Debs and Belle some of the time. Some of the lads at school reckoned I were raised soft, but they’d obviously never met a Dingle woman.”

Robert chuckled and Aaron let himself look at him fully. Robert’s entire body language was open, taking in every bit that Aaron gave him without a trace of regret.

It felt like something clicked, like the puzzle pieces had finally come together and laid out his future, right before his eyes. Robert looked at him like he saw the world in his eyes, and Aaron was overwhelmed again, not by nerves, but by the realization that Robert was _real_. The words left unsaid between them were no longer decisive, but a promise.

Robert wouldn’t run.

He knocked his shoulder into Robert’s, taking his cue to lighten the mood. “It were Debs that taught me how to fix a car when I was 15. I was a proper nightmare then, but she stuck with me. Mum taught me how to drive and how to hold my liquor. Once I realized I was gay, it felt like it were inevitable. After all these things that happened in my life, _of course_ I was also gay.”

Robert’s brows furrowed. “You’re not gay because you were raised by women,” he said, and Aaron laughed, but this time it was humorless.

“Trust me, I know that now. But it’s what I thought, and it put me in a really bad place. I suppose I was already not in the best place mentally, but my depression really set in by the time I was 16,” Aaron said, pausing, before, “and it’s something I’m still dealing with now.” He wasn’t sure why he mentioned it, but he was glad for it. He’d come this far, and Robert had been so good to him. There was no sense in backtracking now.

“Thank you, for telling me,” Robert whispered, his hand reaching out to touch Aaron’s thigh. It was comforting, without a single trace of ulterior motive, and the air that had been sitting so heavily between them cleared, and Aaron could breathe again. “I’ll be honest, I don’t know much about those sorts of things. Depression and all. But I _do_ know that you’re the strongest person I know, in so many ways. You’re amazing, and I am so lucky to know you, Aaron.”

Tears stung his eyes but they didn’t fall. It had felt wrong to say “thank you,” so he let the minutes pass, the two of them lost in their own thoughts. His eyes felt heavy, but he couldn’t let himself fall asleep. Not now, as the seconds ticked away toward midnight and Aaron’s heart was laid bare.

“What about you?” he asked, his voice sounding too loud in the silence.

“Me?” Robert asked back rhetorically. “Alright, well, my birth mum died when I was only a few months old, so for a while it was just me and my dad, but when I was barely old enough to know it my dad met my mum Sarah. Well, she’s the only mum I’ve ever known, at least. She _is_ my mum,” he said, more to himself than anything. “Anyway, they had my sister Victoria and then they got married, and it was happy families for a while. Proper normal childhood and all,” Robert told him.

“Then I met Andy,” Robert said, and it was laced with a darkness that Aaron couldn’t quite catch. “My parents adopted him when Andy and I were ten, and it was alright. But he was my friend, right? And then suddenly now he was my brother and _everything_ my dad wanted in a son. He liked the manual labor that came with the farm. He married his high school sweetheart and carried on the Sugden name like he was born with it.”

Suddenly, Aaron understood. _Resentment._ Mirroring Robert, he laid his hand on Robert’s thigh, hoping the touch would do for him what it did for Aaron.

“The farm started to go under and dad pulled me and Andy out of school to work, and mum just _had it_. They started rowing all the time until mum decided to end it. She got Victoria and my dad got me and Andy, and I thought that was going to be it. I thought I was going to have to stay with him on that farm, but my mum fought for me,” he said, smiling at the memory. “I wanted to go to Uni and work with computers. Really, it didn’t matter what I did, I just knew I couldn’t stay in that village.”

Robert brought his arm up and wrapped it around Aaron’s shoulders, pulling him in. “In the end, I think dad gave up. Never wanted much to do with me anyway, and I think he figured it wasn’t worth the hassle. So Andy stayed with dad, and mum moved me and Vic out of the Dales, and by the time I was 18 I was going to Uni and spending my summers abroad,” he said, his cheek resting on the crown of Aaron’s head.

“Do you ever talk to him?” Aaron asked, and Robert squeezed his arm around Aaron tighter.

“My dad died when I was 23. Heart attack,” Robert answered.

“Oh. ‘m sorry, I-”

Robert cut him off. “No, it’s alright. Truth is I hadn’t really talked to him since we left. Mum would take Victoria to see him once a month for the first few years until Andy was old enough to come get her. I spoke to him, once or twice. I must have…” Robert trailed off, probably trying to recall foggy memories of his teenage years. “But I never went back. Didn’t really see a point in it all. He didn’t want me there any more than I wanted to be there, so I just didn’t.”

“Never?” Aaron asked.

“Well, the once, yeah. For his funeral. His new wife was there with Andy, and I just remember it being really awkward,” Robert said.

Aaron’s brow furrowed. “Awkward how?” he prompted.

“I dunno. It was just like nothing had changed. The people were the same. The cemetery and the vicar, it was all the same. And it just hit me that if I had _stayed_ , if I hadn’t gone with mum and stayed with him instead in that village where everyone knew too much, I don’t know if I would’ve liked the person I might’ve become. I would have been this person obsessed with pleasing my dad. Trying to be the man he wanted me to be.”

Aaron squeezed Robert’s thigh, running his thumb lightly, meaning it to be soothing. “Well I think he’d be mad not to see how amazing you are,” Aaron confessed and Robert shook his head, whispering, “Shut up,” without any heat. “No, I mean it,” Aaron continued, “You do so much Robert and you’re so good. And I think any version of you, no matter _who_ raised you or where, would be just as brilliant as you are now.”

Neither of them said anything more. Aaron didn’t regret what he had said, but a small part of him worried that it might’ve been too much too soon. He knew he wasn’t misreading the signs, but when he heard Robert yawn lightly before pressing a kiss to his head and unwrapping his arm from Aaron’s shoulder, he had to admit he felt a little put out.

Still, he smiled when Robert wished him a good night and left to brush his teeth, repeating the words back to him before Robert flicked the light switch and settled onto the floor. Dim oranges muted into bluish greys as moonlight peeked through the window.

Aaron settled himself into bed, hearing the soft scritch-scratch of Robert adjusting himself into a comfortable position before everything went quiet. The last thing he remembered was hearing Robert’s soft snores as he synchronized their breathing…

_...in…_

 

_…out…_

 

_…in…_

 

_…out…_

********

The world around Aaron started to bubble into focus, the length of a cobbled walkway spanning before him, suspended by air. A slow, creeping dread burrowed in the hollows of Aaron’s bones as he noted the rundown cityscape that surrounded him, with flickering lights illuminating towering buildings, exposed rebar, and the continuous falling of mortar and debris littering the sky, as if the world were being played on loop.

This place wasn’t one of his worst, and for that, Aaron supposed he should be thankful.

A wave of heat washed over him, the smells of stale sweat and dry earth turning the air thick, choking him. The world around him echoed with the distinct screech of bending metal until the world began to thunder as a building to his right crumbled against its own weight and fell, accompanied by a cloud of dust, causing his vision to be blurred by browns and greys.

As the haze started to lift, curiosity got the best of him, and he slowly moved closer to the edge of the walkway, acutely aware of the lack of barrier between the solid ground beneath his feet and the expanse of blackness that swallowed everything that it touched from below. He watched as each brick that fell disappeared into the nothingness, gone in an instant. Instinct pulled Aaron back to the center of the walkway, the fear for his life keeping his knees steady as the ground beneath him began to shake with from the aftershocks of the destruction.

Aaron had been here before. The surroundings changed, sure, but the darkness was always there, waiting for him, a constant in every realm. He knew what would happen if he fell.

If he _jumped._

He’d been here before.

It wouldn’t be long until the shadows would come for him, looming just outside of his line of sight, living in his peripherals. There was no point in running from them, he had learned that very young, when the world he once knew, saturated with colors and vibrancy was dulled, corrupted into this reality he had been living in for years. Before the contempt settled in, spitting _worthless_ , _repulsive_ , _disgrace_ like a mantra.

So he continued to walk. Each step ached in his ankles, and he was growing short of breath, be it from the growing exhaustion or the rising panic he wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t let himself stop. People were depending on him. He patted his hip, thankful for the weight of his dagger sheathed to his side. It was a simple blade, pristinely polished so it caught the light, no matter how dark the surroundings. It was there if he needed it. Another small grace.

Aaron held his hand up to his throat, searching for his pulse beneath his fingers. Each thump passed the seconds, and each second that passed was just another moment to freedom.

This world was bittersweet. He hated every moment he was here, but he knew it was where he belonged. The only place that felt familiar enough to call home.

_Oh, Aaron,_ a voice whispered.

Aaron froze.

He knew that voice. It was the same one Aaron used believe carried a tone of smarminess no matter who they spoke to, until the night Aaron had heard him speak to his sister Victoria, realizing the same softness he heard then was the same when it was just he and Aaron alone. That voice that had called him at 4:00 AM leaving a worried voicemail about a dress code and first impressions. The voice he wished he could hear under sweeter terms than this.

Robert’s voice stirred a suddenly intense mix of emotions within Aaron’s chest. He wanted it to be closer, wanted Robert there with him, but in this hell, he knew he’d only find him when it was too late. When he wasn’t able to save him from the shadows. When he had failed him.

Still, he couldn’t help but call out for him. “Robert?” he tried to say, choking as the smog filled his lungs with a dry heat, turning his words to dust. The world began to spin as Aaron stood still, the only way to right it was to keep moving forward.

_Aaron?_ he heard again, but this time felt different. It felt more direct, like Robert was really there. As if, maybe-

Aaron sighed, knowing better than to think that way. He wasn’t a child. He couldn’t let himself believe in the fairytale that had left people like his mother clinging to false dreams, and people like Charity who were left bitter and scorned thinking they had _finally_ found it, had finally Connected, only for the realities of life to cave in on them again and again.

_Aaron, can you hear me?_ Robert’s voice was insistent, and Aaron could have sworn it felt realer than anything this world had ever created. _Aaron, I’m here. I’m here,_ Robert’s voice called, growing louder. Aaron strained his eyes, searching in the direction of his voice, but all there was to see was the same brown haze, the same muted colors that blurred his vision. _Thank God. I’m right here, you’re gonna be okay._

Desperation sat sickly in his gut, pulling at Aaron’s nerves. Robert’s voice was there, like he was only inches away, but Aaron couldn’t see a thing. “Robert?” he whispered, his throat growing hoarse as if he had been screaming. “I can’t. I can’t see you,” he said, and it felt like defeat. His breathing came in short huffs, and he could feel his chest constrict.

The stillness left in the wake of his admission flooded him with growing anxiety, quickly turning into _fear._

Robert had left him.

Something akin to shame rose through him, flushing his cheeks. He had truly thought for a moment that maybe, just maybe-

“You idiot,” he chastised himself, speaking to the nothingness that was there. This was just another distraction, another pawn set by the shadows, meant to hold Aaron back. He brought his hand up to his face, kneading at his temples with his thumb and middle finger.

- _right here! I’m right here! Aaron, please!_ Robert was calling for him again, the sound of it muted, as if he were behind a thick pane of glass, but he was _there._

“Please. Robert,” Aaron began to beg, just as the world began to shake once again, another building bending into itself and sending a cacophony of noise to every inch it could reach. “I can’t do this,” Aaron said.

_You can. Hey, look, it’s alright. You can’t see me, that’s alright. You’re hearing me, which is more than you’ve done in weeks. You’re doing so well, Aaron, just don’t give up._

“What do I do?” Aaron wanted to believe him, more than anything. But if it were true, if he and Robert were Connected, then why? “Why can’t I see you?” Aaron asked.

Throughout the span of time, every book, poem, movie, _whatever_ that spoke about the Connection, the two people could always _always_ see each other. That was just how this thing worked. Whether you believed it was an act of God, or magic, or biological evolution, the Connection was just this unexplainable fact of life that only touched handfuls of people throughout the world. Like marrying - and staying with - your high school sweetheart, or like having a prodigious talent, it only happened to a few people, and it never happened to someone you actually knew, let alone yourself.

“If I can’t see you,” Aaron continued, “then we can’t actually be Connected. That’s not how it works, Robert.”

_We don’t know that! Nothing in life is ever like it is in the movies. People have been studying this for centuries, and you mean to tell me every single instance was the same? They package it up into this box with a neat little bow, but that’s not real life!_ Aaron could hear Robert’s voice begin to break, and he wanted to trust him. _Please, Aaron, just don’t push me away. We’ll figure this out. We’ll-_

Robert was suddenly cut off by a wailing scream coming from the distance – a child’s voice. Aaron whipped around toward the noise. _Liv,_ he heard Robert say, but Aaron was already running. He had no idea if Robert was following, but he couldn’t think about that. All he could do was run.

Another scream, this time calling out Aaron’s name, but it sounded just as far as it had been, his running feeling slow, like dragging his feet through molasses. He couldn’t seem to pick up his feet to move faster, and the panic started to rise. He felt a sharp pain on his hand, and when he looked down, he saw that he had somehow unsheathed the dagger, holding it by the blade as it cut into him, scarring and bleeding as he gripped it tighter, and the last thing he heard was Robert’s anguished voice, begging him to _Please, stop_ before the world washed away and he woke with a jolt.

Aaron didn’t know if maybe he had startled, or if the dream had knocked Robert awake as well, but almost as soon as his mind reoriented itself, he heard Robert take in a breath of air as if he had been jolted. He could feel the back of his neck was tacky with sweat, and they both just laid there in silence, until Aaron’s racing heart started to calm and his eyes adjusted to the dark of the room.

“Was-” Aaron started, clearing his throat. His mouth felt stale and rough from disuse, so he turned onto his side to look down at Robert who had now propped himself up on his elbows and looked back up to him. Something must have read on his face, and for what felt like the hundredth time since they met, Aaron was grateful that Robert seemed to know what he was thinking, because a brief flash of panic melted away into relief on Robert’s face as he scooted closer to Aaron’s bed.

Slowly, Robert leaned his side against the bed with his back to the wall, draping his right arm on the mattress, as if he were trying not to startle Aaron. Aaron laid his hand on Robert’s forearm, needing the contact of his sleep-warm skin to anchor him.

“What do you remember?” Robert asked, leaning his cheek against his arm.

“Everything,” Aaron said, honestly. The dream felt more real than any other ever had. He sometimes had moments of lucidity in dreams when he was younger, but this felt like a phenomenon entirely of its own. “But it didn’t feel like you were talking to me, like you are now. More like you were in my mind, like I was thinking with your voice.”

Robert nodded. “Yeah, it’s like that for me, too. I’m seeing you, and you’re speaking to me, but the words aren’t coming from your mouth, and it’s like I can feel what you’re feeling.”

Aaron wanted to say more, but he had never been good with words.

Well, that wasn’t true. Angry, bitter curses could spill from him without a moment’s notice, channeled directly through his clenched jaw in a way he never really learned how to hold back. Evasive assurances tucked themselves into every sentence, and for as much as he valued honesty, white lies of _I’m fine_ became his native tongue.

He needed Robert to speak first.

“What are you thinking about right now?” Robert asked after the stretch of silence began to grow uncomfortable.

“About this,” he said, giving Robert’s arm a gentle squeeze, “and how I feel like I’m allowed to do this now.” He ran his hand across Robert’s arm, distracting himself. “I think I’m just confused about what this all means,” he admitted. “My head feels a mess right now, like I’m not really awake.”

“I get that, yeah,” Robert said. “When this all started for me, it took me days before I could accept what it was. Everything felt different, more _real_ , but it still felt like I was talking to a shell of you. It was scarier than I thought it’d be, if I’m honest.”

Aaron shifted slightly, the springs in the mattress creaking under his weight before he settled. “You said it had been weeks, but how long have you known?” he asked, needing to know. He knew, whatever the length of time was, that he would feel guilty for not realizing sooner. He also knew why Robert never told him.

While books and movies idealized the Connection, it was the mandatory health classes and centuries of history that was repeatedly forced on children since primary school that taught you never to reveal your Connection before you’ve both dream shared. Histories of trial and error were recorded of men and women unable to wait for the Connections to develop naturally, only for their intended partners to be driven mad, their bodies rejecting the bond. Now, people understood that revealing your Connection was a universal taboo, one of the most selfish things a person could do.

So, while Aaron understood _why_ Robert hadn’t told him, he never wanted Robert to have to wait long. The loneliness of the secret must have been exhausting.

“At first, I thought I was only dreaming of you. I would wake up, knowing you were in my dream, but it was like no matter how hard I tried to remember, I couldn’t place any details. It was like you were more of a feeling. I wasn’t really bothered by it. You were the grumpy guy who ran into my car that became my fit bartender. I thought I was just fantasizing about you, if I’m honest,” Robert said, and Aaron heard him breathe lowly, endeared by the barely-there whistle as he breathed through his nose. “It was the night after the fundraiser that I started seeing you more clearly, remembering more. Mostly we’d be in your dreams, but sometimes you’d visit me in mine.”

Robert’s words flashed like a memory, that feeling of déjà vu that had been following him finally piecing together. “There was a field, and a picnic or something,” Aaron said, shutting his eyes, begging to remember.

“You remember that?” Robert asked, voice laced with shock, but also a fondness that kept his voice soft. “That was one of my favorites. That place is real, you know. It’s one of my favorite places, just outside of the village I grew up in. Felt like you could see everything from there.”

“Yeah. I can’t remember much, but I remember feeling like I just wanted to lay there forever,” Aaron said.

He felt Robert smile. “I couldn’t talk to you then. Every time I tried, it felt like my voice had been stolen. But I could see you. I must have watched you lay in the sun for hours. Or, maybe it was minutes. I’m not sure how time works there exactly.”

Aaron was silent. “I wish I could have been there with you,” he whispered, needing Robert to know. Robert nodded, his eyes darting across Aaron’s features before his eyes shut. “Was the picnic your idea, or mine?” Aaron teased, needing to distract himself from the guilt.

“Must have been yours,” Robert laughed, peeking one eye open. “I’m far too butch for that.”

Aaron laughed, and they were both there just giggling for a moment. That same rush of endearment he felt hours ago – before he knew of the Connection, when it was just the two of them whispering secrets to each other - overwhelmed him. He didn’t know if he’d ever felt something like it. If it was the bond, or if it was something that was purely _Robert_ , but he had never felt safer in his life. Their laughter died, and lethargy must have set in for Robert.

He watched Robert stretch and pat around the floor for his phone, the light practically blinding the both of them as Robert squinted to read the time.

“It’s only half three, we should sleep a bit more,” Robert said, tossing his phone back onto the makeshift bed. He looked over at Aaron, hovering in place, before Aaron snorted and scoot himself back, patting the space next to him.

The bed was smaller than either of them were used to, and it didn’t take long before Aaron’s entire left side was pressed against Robert’s right, his skin chilled compared to Aaron’s. They adjusted, the bed creaking under their weight as they turned onto their sides to face each other, and Aaron was thankful when the suggestion of anything nefarious faded into the silence of the room.

Once they settled, bodies less than a foot apart with nothing to pretend that they both weren’t inching as close as either of them dared, Aaron heard Robert’s breathing even out, his features relaxing with sleep. Aaron could have spent a lifetime watching Robert sleep, his mouth slightly parted but still managing to look gorgeous.

A thought came over him, and he turned to lay awkwardly on his back while the weight of the realization took over.

They were Connected. For all Aaron knew, he really would be spending the rest of his life watching Robert sleep.

Watching him dream.

The idea of that sat heavy on his chest, and he couldn’t bring himself to sleep. He must have dozed because the shadows blanketing the room turned from black to grey to blue before his body had given up on trying to fall asleep again. Carefully, Aaron moved Robert’s arm from his body where it had been resting for the better part of the last hour, pulling himself out of bed. The clock on his phone showed that it was barely past 6:45 AM, but there was no use just lying there.

He grabbed his dressing gown and shoved his phone in the pocket, pulling it on as he left the bedroom and head down the stairs. His mum’s door was already ajar, and as he padded down the final steps, avoiding the women cocooned in blankets in the living room, he saw her sitting at the dining table, her makeup bag and mirror sat amongst scattered hair curlers and miscellanea.

“Hiya,” he greeted, walking past her into the kitchen to make himself some toast. He wasn’t sure if he was even hungry, but he needed something to do with his hands.

“What?” Chas startled, a roller left halfway into her hair as she turned to look at the clock. “What’re doin’ up so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said, head in the refrigerator as he pulled out the butter and juice carton. “Want one?” he asked, waving the carton at her.

“No, ta,” Chas said, turning back to her mirror to focus her attention back at her hair. “What’s the problem then? Robert snore?” she teased.

“Nah. He kinda huffs through his nose though,” Aaron said with a smile at Chas who smiled back at him through the mirror as if he had just dropped this great secret between them. He missed these little moments with her. For so long, it had just been the two of them hopping from one place to another, and he couldn’t help the pang of nostalgia just seeing her made him feel.

“Well, there are worse things. One time I dated a guy that didn’t just talk in his sleep, he shouted,” she laughed. “And it were always nonsense, but it scared the lights out’a me.”

Aaron grimaced. Truth was, he wasn’t sure what type of sleeper Robert was. He knew he didn’t snore, but one night does not a sleeping partner make. Also, Aaron figured it would be hard to care if Robert kicked or hogged the blankets when he would be busier with the idea of Robert being a present party in his dreams.

He chewed on the dead skin of his lip until they felt raw as he stood in the kitchen, Chas’ attention pulled away from him. He took his plate and sat next to her, picking at the crumbs as they fell before making up his mind.

“Mum?” Aaron asked, watching as she twisted the last curler into place, a bright smile taking over her features as she turned the mirror’s light off.

“Yes love?” she answered, now shuffling through her makeup bag.

He looked at her for a second, knowing he could trust her. “Robert and I-”

But he was cut off, marimba echoing into the room from someone’s phone. Chas shut her makeup bag and pat Aaron on the hand. “You should get upstairs for a shower while they all get some brekkie in them,” she suggested as she stood to pour the drinks. “And thank you for doin’ this,” she said, holding the pitcher up.

“Oh, no that was Robert,” he said.

“Huh,” she said, looking at Aaron a beat too long before smiling. “Well, I’ll thank him later then. Go on,” she said, shooing him upstairs.

The house was slowly starting to come to life, the quiet morning filling with chatter and shuffling. Aaron made his way back to his room and nearly ran into Robert on his way in.

“Sorry-“

“Sorry-”

Robert snorted, and Aaron had to look away. Robert’s hair was pushed up every which way, and the sight of it alone was more than Aaron could handle that morning. Things had changed between them and Aaron wasn’t really sure where they stood. He had a million things to say, but every word died at the tip of his tongue.

“Aaron,” Robert started before a hand slammed down on the wall behind Aaron, startling the both of them.

“What are you two waitin’ for? Go shower or else you won’t get one,” Debbie said, ringing her damp hair with a towel as she looked Robert up and down, assessing him just as the rest of his family had done. “Huh. He is cuter in person,” she said, more to herself.

She moved toward a cupboard and pulled out two towels, shoving them into Aaron’s hands. “You’ve got five minutes so no funny business,” she said with a stern look, and Aaron rolled his eyes.

“Debs, we’re not-“

“Thanks,” Robert interrupted, placing his hands on Aaron’s shoulders and guiding him down the hall to the bathroom, stopping Aaron from arguing. He shut the door behind them, and the space felt much too small. Something must have shown on Aaron’s face, because Robert just set the towels down on the toilet lid and exaggeratedly covered his eyes and turned around.

“I won’t look,” he said, and Aaron paused for a second, willing the words _“You don’t have to do that”_ to leave him, but instead he undressed and started the water. Shutting the curtain, he heard Robert start the sink and brush his teeth. Aaron’s body felt overheated, and it had nothing to do with the warm water that sprayed from overhead. His chest rose and fell as he forced himself to clean up properly, pretending that Robert wasn’t just a thin plastic sheet away.

He took the quickest shower of his life, reaching for the towel and wiping himself down the best he could, still dripping water onto the floor as he nodded for Robert to take his turn. He kept the water running. For some reason, he didn’t want anyone to know they were taking separate showers, even though he knew no one really cared either way. He just didn’t want to raise undue suspicion.

Aaron turned his head as Robert undressed himself, more brazen than Aaron, and got into the shower. Brushing his teeth, he nearly choked on the foam when Robert started to hum quietly to himself, a song Aaron didn’t recognize but that Robert was obviously getting into if the way his humming steadily got louder was anything to go by.

“Hurry up!” a voice called from the other side as a hand slapped the door.

“We’re coming!” Aaron called back, wiping his mouth on the hand towel and picking up his clothes.

“Better not be! I said no funny business!” another voice that was definitely Debbie’s called, and Aaron bit his tongue when Robert popped his head from behind the curtain, sharing a surprised look with him before they both laughed, their voices echoing against the tile.

“Not in my shower they aren’t!” and yeah, that was Gennie. Robert shut the water off and reached his hand out for the other towel, and it must have been the steam that made Aaron so dizzy and definitely _not_ the way Robert’s body looked with the towel wrapped low on his hips, water clinging to his skin and hair.

_Nope. Definitely not that._

Robert picked up his own clothes and they opened the bathroom door, a line of girls waiting outside catcalling them all the way back to Aaron’s room. “Oi, don’t take too long, I need you to take a load of things out to the reception,” Debbie called after them.

The next few hours passed in a blur. They had barely changed into their slacks and undershirts before Chas burst in, hands over her eyes before she peeked through her fingers. She had rattled off tasks for them – most involving heavy lifting and back and forth trips from the kitchen to the car – before Robert got sidetracked.

“It’s in four hours, what do you mean it’s delayed!” Gennie shouted into her phone, her hair half done as she paced, rubbing her stomach. “No… _No_ …I will not calm dow…Hello? Ugh,” she bit out, tossing her phone away from her where it bounced on the couch.

“What’s happened?” Aaron asked, hefting the bags of linens more comfortably in his arms.

“The damn flowers still aren’t ready and no one will give me a straight answer,” she said, sitting herself down on the couch, frustrated.

“Can I try?” Robert asked, holding out his hand for Gennie’s phone. She shrugged, still put out from the call, and he redialed the number. “Yes, hello, my name’s Robert Sugden…I’m well, thank you for asking. I’ve just got a couple questions for you...”

Aaron sat down next to Gennie, both of them watching as Robert put on his professional tone, rolling his eyes to them even as he laughed and joked to the person on the other line. “Sorry, yes let me get that number for you. Can I put you on hold for a moment?” Robert said before tapping the phone. “Do you have an order number?” he asked and Gennie pointed to a slip of paper on the coffee table. “Great. Err, look. I’m about to say some things I don’t mean, but we’ve got less than three hours and I know the type of guy this is. So, just, sorry in advance,” he said before bringing the phone back up to his ear.

“Alright, it’s 67QRFLW0PT…Yeah, yeah I know. You think that’s bad? Try being around them all morning. I’ve got bridezilla on my left and a pregnant Maid of Honor on my right…Yeah, the nagging one…Mm, yeah. _Hormones_ you’re right…Really?...Oh, that’s fantastic! Thank you so much…You, too…Oh, trust me I’ll do my best…Buh bye.”

Robert hung up the phone, muttering “moron” before looking back up to Gennie. “They’ll be there in an hour,” he said and Gennie sprung up – well, as much as she could – and punched his arm.

“Where have you been for the past week?” she asked rhetorically, swiping through her phone before passing it back to Robert. “Alright, call the caterers next. They said they only had fuchsia napkins and nothing lighter, but see what you can do. And what are you waiting for? Get a move on,” she said, rounding on Aaron and sending him away.

Robert already had the phone pressed back up to his ear, so Aaron left him with her. He’d been roped into setting up tables and tying tulle around the chairs, and by the time he made it back, Robert was with Chas talking to the limo driver. He spared a moment to wink at Aaron as he passed, already dressed and looking in his element amongst the bustling bridal party and talks of entry and exit times.

It wasn’t until Charity finally arrived, looking put together and teary that everyone left, Aaron and Robert following behind in Aaron’s car.

**** **R** ****

The drive to the chapel hadn’t been awkward per se- Robert didn’t think he could ever truly feel awkward being around Aaron – but it had let Robert foster nerves he hadn’t let show all morning. Aaron shouldered the drive, having gone back and forth enough to know the route blind, so Robert let his thoughts race. He’d gathered from offhand comments by Aaron that the rest of the family could be a bit full on, but Aaron was the king of selling things short.

Robert had already decided that he wasn’t going to drink too much, choosing to be the one to drive them back home and let Aaron enjoy himself with his family, but he was already starting to regret it as they pulled into the car park outside the chapel.

He brushed the lint off [his suit](https://68.media.tumblr.com/7d6be418af0057a45f2f4e9b152c9f31/tumblr_ofvj6icsBm1qhsyjto2_r1_1280.png) once he got out of the car, second guessing his bolder choices when he saw the lot that stood around the entrance. There were a few men standing around a rickety horse-drawn wagon, and Robert forced himself not to grimace. _Surely they can’t have driven_ that _to a wedding_ , he thought to himself, suddenly feeling like he stuck out like a sore thumb. Robert was used to attention, usually reveled in it, but around this group, he hadn’t intended to look so-

“Ready?” Aaron asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets and tilting his head toward the chapel in question.

“As I’ll ever be," Robert tried to joke, but Aaron knew him better than that he supposed.

Aaron squinted at him. “You’re nervous,” he teased.

“What?” Robert couldn’t help but challenge, but Aaron just kept smiling – _payback for the gala_ – and Robert just reached out to poke at his sides, using Aaron’s ticklishness to his advantage. Aaron swatted him away, but the conversation ended as his attention was steered back to the building.

The groom’s family was nothing like Robert expected, and if he thought he looked poncy amongst the Dingles, it didn’t hold a candle to the Doughertys. The Dingles were no soft bunch, but every Dougherty looked fresh from prison at best, the best man the dodgiest of the bunch. Aaron’s Uncle Cain seemed tense when he pulled an older woman from the groom’s family off to the side, like he’d been told under strict order from Debbie not to kick off, but Robert could tell that promise probably wouldn’t last long.

He was grateful when they slid in next to Belle and Lisa in the pew, an unfamiliar man that must have been Aaron’s Uncle Zak sat to their right. “Don’t worry,” Aaron said to him, keeping his voice down. “I don’t know who half these people are, either.”

The wedding was fine, he supposed.

He had a flash of jealousy when a man from a few pews up turned to wink at Aaron until Aaron shifted closer to Robert, turning his face away in disgust while the guy made crude kissy faces to Robert. Robert wrapped his arm over Aaron’s shoulder and gave the guy a look, smirking when the guy just rolled his eyes and faced forward.

Debbie floated down the aisle, beautiful and looking like the picture of Athena with the flow of her dress and hair done up with baby’s breath. The rest left little to be desired. The ceremony felt rushed and awkward, the Father tripping over his words in his haste as if everyone in the room had somewhere more important to be.

But it was fine, and blessedly quick, and then it was over. Robert read the room and felt a sick sense of happiness that he wasn’t the only one that felt out of the loop this time. Aaron was visibly confused while the rest of the Dingles whispered amongst themselves. Charity looked horrified beside the altar as the wedding march played while Debbie – now officially _Mrs. Deborah Dougherty_ – and her husband lead the train out of the chapel.

Aaron rubbed his face with his hands and sighed before standing up and following the crowd out, Robert trailing behind. “That was _different_ ,” Robert said, trying to make conversation on the drive to the reception.

“The less we know, the better we’re off,” Aaron said, and Robert dropped it, already forgotten. Everyone knew the only thing worth caring about was the reception, and rightly so. Robert hadn’t had the chance to see the final product, only seeing most of an empty field, collapsed tents, and piles upon piles of boxes, but it was well worth the sight. The canopies had been set up in an L-bend with yellow tulle and pink hydrangeas and strings of light draped across the ceilings. It was easy to tell where the money for the wedding had gone, and while Robert didn’t really understand why they hadn’t just held the ceremony here as well, he heeded Aaron’s advice.

_Don’t ask._ Plausible deniability was his best friend today.

Aaron led them to a table near the back, and Robert stopped to laugh, nudging Aaron. “Feels like no matter whose wedding I go to, anywhere in the world, these Chiavari chairs are a universal constant,” he said as he sat in the world’s most uncomfortable wooden chair.

“Didn’t know these had names if I’m honest,” Aaron said, looking down at his own chair as if the name would be magically engraved in the wood.

“Mum got into a weird wedding obsessed phase when Andy got hitched. Did you know that those little dots of icing they do on cakes are called Swiss Dots?” Robert asked, putting on his best mansplaining voice, tucking his fist under his chin to look ponderous and well educated. Aaron blanked him, standing from his chair to flag down his mother.

“Oh, perfect. You’ve got seats,” she said, dumping her purse and other belongings onto the table, the rest of the bridal party following behind to do the same. Without another word, the girls left them again, already making their way toward the buffet line of food while someone switched the music on, that awful Justin Timberlake song about dancing swirling around the space.

It seemed like tradition had been thrown out the window somewhere between the chapel doors and the line of kegs that sat outside because everyone had given up pretenses, the start of a proper Dingle Do forming. There were a few people from the groom’s side – _God, I really should learn his name_ – but they were likely friends of the family.

Aaron left to grab them beers, leaving Robert alone at the table of handbags and discarded heels. Belle sidled up to him, sitting in the seat Aaron had been in. “Hiya,” she said as Lisa and Zak joined them, plates full.

Lisa set one down in front of Robert. “For you two to peck at. Can’t be having you drinking beers all night with nothing in you,” she said, and he couldn’t help but feel warm that she thought of him.

“Dad, this is Aaron’s boyfriend, Robert,” Belle said, introducing him.

“Alright, son?” Zak said, all gravelly voice and thick accent as he dug into his food, “Interestin’ suit you got there.” Robert looked down at himself, feeling again like an eyesore amongst the other men in their blacks and greys.

“Oh, don’t listen to him,” Lisa said, dismissing Zak who sputtered “I were only sayin’” and backed off.

“Yeah, dad’s been wearing the same suit for 30 years now. I personally appreciate a man who can wear all this,” Belle said, gesturing to Robert’s entire body.

“Save it, Belle. He doesn’t need a bigger head than he’s already got,” Aaron said from behind him. A pint glass was set in front of him and the seat to his right scraped across the ground as Aaron pulled it out to join them. Robert took a long sip, trying to make the most out of the only beer he would let himself have that night.

“Any news from Cain?” Lisa asked her husband, and like that the conversation moved on. Robert halfheartedly listened, but Zak had been going on about game keeping for over five minutes and Robert grew bored. He picked at the potato salad, surprised at how good it was.

He nudged Aaron. “Did you try this yet?” he asked. When Aaron shook his head, Robert got a spoonful and let him taste, handing Aaron his spoon when he visibly approved. The shutter sound of a camera going off got his attention, and they both looked to Belle as she leaned over to show her mum the photos.

She smiled at them, passing Aaron her phone. He swiped left through the photos of Robert feeding Aaron and the pair of them pulling exaggerated faces of approval that he didn’t realize they’d been making. He watched Aaron text himself the photos from her phone before handing it back over.

“So,” Belle said, dragging the vowel out. “I’ve barely heard anything about you two since you got here. How’d you two meet? How long has it been? Give me something.” She leaned forward to rest her cheek in her hand, ready to be dazzled by their romance.

“He hit my car- _ow_!” Robert whined, rubbing his side when Aaron elbowed him. 

“You’re not startin’ this with them. You tell them I hit your car,” he said before turning to face the table, “which is _not_ true,” and turned back to Robert, “I won’t hear the end of it.”

“It is true! It wasn’t your fault, but it’s still true,” Robert argued jokingly.

“Oh? Just like how you stalked me at work _twice_ before making me go out with you?” Aaron shot back, and Robert widened his eyes, appalled.

“ _Made you?_ Hardly. Look at me, I’m great. You’d be so lucky,” Robert said, mildly offended when Aaron just snorted a laugh.

“Whatever. It’s been two months,” Aaron answered.

“Three,” Robert corrected.

“ _Three_ months. Right, yeah, sorry,” Aaron said, shaking his head.

Lisa looked surprised. “Only three months? With the way you two talk, could’ve sworn it was longer.”

Robert looked at Aaron, ready to make a joke before pausing. He’d realized that truthfully it had only been less than 24 hours, but Robert already knew he was going to spend the rest of his life with Aaron. Soon, the dates would blur and the weird not-courtship with his not-boyfriend-soulmate would be a distant memory.

If you had asked Robert months ago if he were ready to settle down, he wouldn’t have been able to answer you. He was nearly 31 years old with a proper career that paid well, a two-bedroom house, and a family worth growing, but the idea of sharing his space and _life_ with another person made his skin itch with emotional claustrophobia.

Now, it felt nearly impossible to see his life without Aaron, regardless if the Connection was there or not. Still, he couldn’t say that. Couldn’t wax poetic about every emotion he felt about Aaron over potato salad and pulled pork sliders, so instead he said, “Well, it feels even longer. Aaron really is the man of my dreams.”

Beside him, Aaron groaned at the joke, hiding his face in his hands before pretending to pull away. Robert laughed, grabbing his hand to pull him back to the table. “I can’t believe you said that,” Aaron griped, unamused.

“I’m hilarious,” Robert deadpanned.

“No, you’re lucky you’re semi-decent,” Aaron shot back.

“You think I’m-”

“Shut up,” Aaron said without any heat, cutting Robert off.

Lisa and Belle were confused but let the conversation go. “Okay. I don’t know what that was, but whatever. Come on, let me get a proper photo this time,” she said, standing up and motioning for them to do the same. Aaron’s hand immediately went to Robert’s waist, so Robert held him by his shoulder and smiled. She snapped a few in succession, twisting her phone to find the best angle.

“Well, go on then. Kiss him,” she said, lifting the phone back up, ready to snap the next photo.

He tensed unintentionally, his heart beating away double time. The heat from the lights and the space heaters felt too hot, and it wasn’t that he was completely and utterly terrified to kiss Aaron. It was more that kissing Aaron felt like something he could only do in his fantasies for so long. It felt almost wrong to kiss him under someone else’s command.

Pulling back, he glanced at Aaron to gauge his reaction, and while the hesitation was there, there was something else in his eyes – the ones that had become so comforting and attentive and _familiar_ – and Robert couldn’t remember why he thought he could ever feel nervous around him. For all intents and purposes, Aaron was his other half. He was the one person in the world that Robert would never have to worry about being himself around, and suddenly kissing Aaron felt inspired.

Everything in his life had been leading to Aaron, and in that moment, with the blues in Aaron’s eyes reflecting against the twinkling lights above, and the universe coming to a stop around them, everything felt right.

So, with a newfound confidence and his heart in his throat, he kissed him.

Robert cradled Aaron’s cheek in his palm, allowing just a single second to pass by where the world hung around them in stasis until Aaron nodded, a barely there movement that was part agreement, part request, and all that Robert needed before closing the space between them. Robert could feel Aaron’s breath hit his bottom lip as he pressed the softest kiss to his lips. It was chaste and off center, his nose pushing awkwardly against Aaron’s before Aaron tilted his face up to meet Robert’s. He had expected this moment to be more urgent. There were a million words unspoken between them and Robert had expected to feel fit to bursting, but that’s not what this was.

The craving he felt ached deep in his chest as he pressed closer to Aaron, his want no less hungry, but met with a rush of contentment. A sense of _finally_ between them as Robert let out an almost inaudible moan that seemed to pull Aaron to him.

Kissing someone had never felt like this before. He knew, in the back of his mind, that it was their Connection that was sending sparks rushing through him, numbing every sense until all he knew was _Aaron_ , but the realist in him – the one that grew up never believing that fate could bring two strangers together and bond them. The one that believed it could never happen to someone you knew, that it was meant for those with more poetic souls that lived life as if love was all there was – believed he would have felt this way about Aaron regardless.

Connecting wasn’t the only key to love, and he knew, as he opened his eyes to see Aaron already studying his features as they pulled back, that he would have loved Aaron just as much without it.

But still, as he watched Aaron’s face soften, like it was him that couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to have found _Robert_ , Robert wanted to thank whatever code of DNA or otherworldly force that brought Aaron to him.

“Well then,” they heard Belle say, and it was like the bubble had burst as the lights and sounds came rushing over them. It seemed they gathered quite an audience, because people turned to look away from them as if they had been caught staring – some, like Gennie and Chas openly watching them. Chas made her way over, hugging herself on Aaron’s arm.

“If you’re quite finished being all loved up, come dance with me,” she begged, slightly slurred from gin drinks and champagne.

“Mum, please,” Aaron said, trying to pry her from his arm but only succeeding in getting both of his hands trapped in her grip.

“I am your only mum and you are my only baby and I want you to dance with me,” she said, this time leaving no room for argument as she pulled him to the dance floor. Aaron shot a quick “sorry!” over his shoulder as he was dragged away, leaving Robert alone with Belle and-

_Oh, they’re gone._

-leaving Robert alone with Zak at the table. The man was six beers in and mumbling something about wellies to himself, and Robert just let him be. Instead, he watched as Gennie pushed a beer into Aaron’s hands as the girls clapped until he chugged the whole thing, cheering and pulling him in for a group dance that Aaron looked stiff and completely awkward doing.

It was the highlight of Robert’s night.

Eventually, the music slowed and Aaron swayed with his mum, her head on his shoulder as they spun slowly in a circle. “He came out alright, that one did,” Zak said, pointing a wobbly finger to Aaron.

“Yeah, he’s incredible,” Robert replied, happy to watch Aaron chat with his mum, his face morphing into something horrified when Chas drunkenly started singing along to the music.

“And after everythin’ with that pervert dad of his, I don’t know how he did it. But you’ll know all about that, won’t you?” Zak said and Robert turned to look at him so fast he nearly got whiplash. “How someone could do somethin’ like that to a _child._ Good riddance, I say!” Zak said, spitting onto the ground beside him.

Robert felt ice run through his veins as he stood there, staring at Zak in disbelief. He felt blindsided by his words, and suddenly every nightmare of creeping shadows stalking Aaron’s every movement wasn’t just some terror bred from his anxiety, but a horror all too _real._

He felt sick.

He must have been gaping, his face paling as he just stood there, because Zak leaned in close, the smell of beer sour on his breath, and slurred, “You doin’ alright, son?” Robert looked at him, watching the way his eyes never really focused on anything, his voice too loud even amongst the rowdy crowd. He breathed in and turned his face away.

“I’m fine,” Robert managed to force out. Zak didn’t look like he cared much as he stumbled away back toward another lot of Dingles. He looked back towards Aaron and felt his heart surge with love and awe for the other man when he saw his carefree smile and how expressive and open he looked when he joked around with his family.

He really _was_ incredible.

Aaron hadn’t said much about his father, the one that had gotten the police called on him when Aaron was only 11, but he could tell the man had done something unforgivable. Call it naivety or ignorance, but Robert hadn’t ever thought – hadn’t even entertained the idea – that it could be that bad.

That Aaron, the most remarkable person possibly in the entirety of the world, could have gone through something _that_ -

Robert breathed deeply, relaxing his fingers where they had balled up into fists. He felt dirty knowing this about Aaron without his consent. He wanted to punch Zak for telling someone he barely knew one of Aaron’s deepest secrets, but there was no use in it. Not when Aaron was stood there in eyesight, laughing as his mother smacked him on the arm and yelled giddily as she hugged him. No, he could only plaster on a smile as Chas got Gennie’s attention and pointed to Robert, their jaws going slack in surprise as Aaron turned to look at him, motioning him over.

“Oh, Debbie’ll murder you if she finds out you’re stealin’ her spotlight,” he heard Gennie say as he approached.

“Well then don’t go spreadin’ it around,” Aaron said to her.

“Ha! Yeah,” she laughed. “Congrats, you two,” she winked, already leaving them to make the rounds, sharing the news.

“You’ve told them?” Robert said, and Aaron looked apologetic.

“Sorry. Meant to just tell mum, but I should’ve known better about Dingles and secrets,” he said, looking accusingly to his mother.

She waved her hand at his face and turned to Robert, pulling him into an overly tight hug. “Oh, I’m so happy for you both.” She pulled back, studying Robert intensely. “Now you don’t go hurtin’ him, you hear me? He is my boy so don’t you ever say anything bad about him because they’ll never find your body.”

“Alright, mum,” Aaron said, gently pushing her back toward his aunt so they could gossip with the crowd together. She left, pointing her index and middle finger at Robert to remind him that she’d be watching him closely before she went. Robert shared a look with Aaron before pulling him in by the waist, sparks shooting through him when Aaron’s hands immediately went to his arms.

“Haven’t got to dance with you all night,” Robert said, holding Aaron closer as Michael Bublé’s voice crooned _You’ll never know just how much I love you…_ “Feels like a waste of an evening if I don’t,” he joked.

Aaron nodded slowly, biting at the skin of his lip. “So, nothing else today was worth mentioning?”

Robert’s lip twitched with a smile, but he smoothed his face as he pretended to think. “Well, that potato salad _was_ really good. Who made that anyway?”

“Marlon. He’s my mum’s cousin. I think.”

“Well, my compliments to the chef,” Robert said as he pressed his nose to Aaron’s neck, nuzzling lightly, unashamed of his need to feel closer to him. Aaron’s skin was so warm despite the December chill, and Robert nearly growled when Aaron loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar, giving Robert more access. Distantly, Robert reminded himself they were still in public, but a little PDA never hurt anyone.

“I’ll, uh, make sure to tell him…” Aaron trailed off as Robert pressed a kiss to his jaw before forcing himself away from Aaron’s neck, getting lost in the moment. Instead, he satisfied himself by rubbing his thumb along Aaron’s cheek, his beard rough and turning the pad of his thumb red as it scratched at his skin, and all coherent thought went out the window when Aaron kissed him again, hard and close mouthed.

Aaron pulled back quickly, holding up one finger, telling Robert to wait as he searched the crowd for his mum, hugging her tightly before making his way back to the table to grab their suit jackets, handing Robert his and pulling him away from the party. Robert thought for the briefest moment that Aaron intended on them having sex in the backseat of his shitty blue terror of a car that Robert still hated, right there in front of God and everybody, but Aaron just tossed him the keys and sat back in the passenger’s seat, cranking the heat and punching the directions back home into his phone.

Despite the heated moment, the drive back was tame. Aaron plugged his phone back in and let Spotify take him through a playlist, interrupted every once in the while by Google maps telling Robert when to turn. Aaron draped his suit jacket over himself like a blanket and they talked about nothing and everything. Every so often Aaron would try to hide a small yawn and sink himself lower into his seat as he chatted about starting Better Call Saul even though he stopped watching Breaking Bad after season two, and Robert contented himself to just listening to Aaron speak. He could’ve been talking about motocross or Tibetan monks and Robert would have been enraptured.

What he really wanted was to hold Aaron’s hand. Robert wasn’t really the type to need that sort of contact when he walked or stood around in public, but here with nothing but the headlights and moon painting Aaron in silvers and cobalt, high on the adrenaline of knowing he could reach out and touch without needing to make jokes or excuses, he wanted it all. He drummed on the steering wheel with his fingertips as he debated with himself before laying his hand palm up on Aaron’s seat, tapping his leg lightly. Aaron understood immediately, untucking one hand from beneath his makeshift blanket to lace his fingers with Robert’s without missing a beat, continuing his rant about the new Transformers movie that was coming out in the summer.

Robert skipped over the exit toward his home and took the exit going north toward Aaron’s. Robert squeezed Aaron’s hand before letting go, parking the car in Aaron’s space before grabbing their backpacks and speed walking their way to Aaron’s flat. He shivered and bounced up and down while Aaron fumbled with his keys, crowding closer to Aaron’s body for warmth. Aaron laughed and pushed him away when Robert pressed his cold nose to Aaron’s neck, but finally got the door open. Robert had never been inside Aaron’s flat before, but he wasn’t allowed much time to look before Aaron grabbed his bag and threw it onto the couch, pushing him up against the door.

Aaron made quick work of removing Robert’s suit jacket before curling their fingers together and pushing Robert’s hands above his head. He gasped and his breath left him, stolen by chapped lips and warm breath that tickled against Robert’s chin when Aaron pulled away. His eyes were hooded and dark, and he swallowed hard as he slowly dropped Robert’s hands and held on to his waist. Robert leaned forward just enough to press his forehead to Aaron’s, shutting his eyes to take in the moment.

Opening them, he was met with a shaky smile. “Hi,” Aaron whispered, his voice betraying his nerves.

“Hi,” Robert repeated, arms limp beside him – he didn’t know what to do with his hands – as he controlled his breathing, willing his heartbeat to calm with no such luck. His lips parted when Aaron leaned in to kiss him again, his hands grabbing the bottom of Aaron’s jacket and gripping hard, anchoring himself when his knees started to feel weak beneath him. Aaron held him tighter, swallowing his gasps and trembling breaths before pulling away all together, stepping back as far as he could with Robert’s grip like a vice on his jacket.

While he should have expected them, the kisses felt impulsive and unpredictable, and Robert was sure that Aaron must have dripped poison into his veins, because what else could make his heart beat so fast and his thoughts muddle until the only constant was _Aaron Aaron Aaron?_ Or maybe it was magic that shot that electricity through him, making his skin tingle and burn at the slightest touch. Whatever it was, Robert needed more.

Aaron cursed under his breath and circled his hand around Robert’s wrist, light enough not to hurt, but urging him to follow all the same. Robert wasn’t used to this side of things; usually it was him that took the lead – he was too haughty and self-centered and no one had ever tried to manhandle him or take control, but with Aaron, he was defenseless and all too willing to follow Aaron anywhere.

Robert nearly tripped over his feet as Aaron pulled him along to the bedroom and then he was lost to hands that tugged at his tie and worked their way down Robert’s chest, unbuttoning and dragging nails up his stomach to pull off his white undershirt. His throat clicked as he swallowed and brought his hands up to frame Aaron’s face, needing to look at him while Aaron dipped his hands to Robert’s lower back, toying with his waistline with his fingertips, kneading his skin but not moving lower.

A breathy moan escaped Robert’s lips and he squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed by how needy he felt when Aaron hadn’t even _done anything_ yet. They shuffled backwards until Robert reached the bed and sat down, looking up at Aaron as if in prayer as he untucked his shirt and worked the bottom buttons open, lifting up his undershirt and exposing his stomach. Robert leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the soft skin.

Aaron’s body was overheated and Robert felt like his lips were burning as he mouthed below his navel and downward. He dragged his bottom lip up as Aaron’s hand made its way to his hair and tugged, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make Robert listen.

Aaron nodded his head, telling Robert to move back and lay down properly. It wasn’t graceful – Robert was gangly and had a hard enough time trying to make people believe he wasn’t a klutz while upright. Scrambling onto a bed in dress pants while trying to kick off his shoes and still look the least bit sexy was a struggle – but besides for his elbow slipping, sending him falling flat on his back, he managed well enough.

Luckily, Aaron didn’t seem to be paying him much attention, more worried about taking off his own jacket and shirts. He pulled his undershirt over his head and the air crackled with static before Aaron shocked him when he tried to grab hold of Robert’s hip. He had already felt a bit delirious from exhaustion and the sudden adrenaline spike, and something about Aaron’s apologetic “Oops!” sent Robert over the edge, and he just threw his head back and laughed.

Aaron leaned in and kissed Robert’s chest, and Robert could feel that he was giggling, too. His beard scratched against Robert’s skin and sent a thrill through him that cleared all thoughts except the drag and the burn and the promise of what that beard could do to the inside of his thighs. Aaron made his way up and kissed at his neck before pausing, hovering over Robert’s lips, smiling as slowly inched closer.

His breath blew against Robert’s cheek as Robert turned his head away, squeezing his eyes as he fought with himself for what he was about to do.

“Wait,” he whispered, turning his face back to look at Aaron.

“What?” Aaron whispered back, his eyes darting back and forth between Robert’s.

He dragged his hands down Aaron’s chest and pushed lightly until Aaron backed off. They both sat up, Aaron looking worried with his lips parted, and Robert could have kicked himself for leaving a man that looked that _gorgeous_ wanting and confused. Still, Robert pulled Aaron’s hands up and cupped them in his own. They were both breathing heavily, enough to make Robert dizzy and second-guess himself, but he just brought Aaron’s hands up to his lips and kissed the backs of them gently, lingering seconds too long.

“Not tonight,” he said, reaching out to play with the tufts of hair that escaped the gel at the back of Aaron’s neck.

Aaron’s eyebrows drew downward and he parted his lips. “Wh- why?”

Robert leaned forward to kiss away any doubts that might be forming in Aaron’s mind and nuzzled his neck, smiling against his skin. “Because I can still taste the beer on you. And because I’m _completely_ knackered,” he answered, laughing at himself in self-pity. The day was catching up on him fast. “Call me a sentimental, but I don’t want to rush our first time. We’ve both got tomorrow off, we’ll have all day. Is that alright?”

“Of course,” Aaron insisted, his hand running through Robert’s hair and doing nothing to keep Robert awake. He leaned back, jostling Robert until he looked at him. “Sleep?”

“ _Please_ ,” he sighed, tossing himself face-first into Aaron’s bed.

“Not like that, you numpty,” Aaron laughed, smacking his legs and pushing at them until they hung off the side. Robert conceded, groaning as he got back up and forced himself back out to the living room where it was much colder than Robert remembered to grab his toothbrush out of his bag and get ready for bed properly. He couldn’t be bothered with his hair, tucking himself into Aaron’s bed, nearly dozing off while he waited for his boyfriend to cuddle him.

_Boyfriend._

“Hey Aaron?” he called and got a muffled “huh?” as Aaron brushed his teeth. He got back out of bed and leaned on the doorframe to the bathroom, making eye contact with him in the mirror. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

Aaron sputtered and had to spit into the sink so he wouldn’t choke as he laughed, looking back up into the mirror at Robert, foam still hanging on his lip. He shook his head and smiled, rinsing out his mouth and Robert just crossed his arms, frowning.

“Didn’t mean for it to be funny,” he said, slightly offended by Aaron’s reaction. That earned him a playful eye roll and a wet kiss to his cheek as Aaron moved past him back into the bedroom. He sat on the edge of his bed and raised an eyebrow at Robert.

“Well, you comin’ to bed or what, _boyfriend_ ,” Aaron said, pointing at the light switch by the door for Robert to get.

“You know, teasing will get you nowhere,” Robert pouted, hitting the switch and blanketing the room with darkness. He stumbled as he made his way around to the other side, patting the bed blindly before laying down. Robert drew in a breath when Aaron pulled nearer to him, relaxing in Aaron’s arms with his back to Aaron’s front. He closed his eyes, wanting to commit the feel of Aaron holding him as he drifted off to sleep to memory.

They didn’t say anything more, and he was asleep in minutes.

That night was one of Aaron’s dreams. It was times like these that Robert rued how _real_ their dreams felt after being Connected. At first, all he felt was the air, thick with humidity, and the sweat that dripped from his neck down his back. There was a slow rumble of thunder before his surroundings cleared and he saw that he was sitting in some sort of shack, the summer rain falling steadily from the clouds above him. Each drop clattered and echoed, so loud that he could barely hear his own thoughts.

The door was open, the heavy wind slapping it against the wall, but Robert paid no mind to it. His attention was pulled to Aaron as he stood outside, chin tilted up to catch the drops of water on his face, his shoulders relaxed and arms stretched outward to take it all in. Robert made his way out and saw a galaxy swirling impossibly above them with purples and reds and the ground laid with lush grass in vibrant blues. Robert loved these dreams, where he could feel Aaron’s peace as his soul called out to him.

And for the first time, Aaron turned and looked at Robert, _seeing_ him.


	3. Chapter 3

**** **A** ****

And things were good.

Christmas was spent together on Robert’s couch in oversized pullovers while Ralphie Parker and Kevin McCallister got into shenanigans on TV. They rang in the New Year with champagne bubbles that tingled against warm lips, and the weeks after were spent working during the day and spending nights in Robert’s bed. By February, Robert was asking him to move in, and by March, they were settled into a routine, their worlds revolving around each other.

It felt almost too fast, but Aaron pushed those thoughts away. He was with the love of his life, how could there be any such thing as “too fast?”

The dreams were alright, for the most part. It was a hard thing getting used to, having someone watching your thoughts and having no real control over what they could or could not see. But it was fine, because it was _Robert_ , the man Aaron loved and trusted more than anyone else. So, if Robert was able to watch the shadows that had been ripping their way into Aaron’s mind since he was a child create hellscapes that Aaron sometimes felt he couldn’t survive, well, at least he could be grateful that Robert never talked about it.

And if Aaron was able to watch Robert’s dreams grow increasingly more hectic until they were practically incomprehensible, he did Robert the same courtesy.

**** **R** ****

And things were okay.

Aaron stopped going to see his counselor as often, but he told him that it was because he had run out of things to talk about when he went every other week. Robert didn’t know enough about these things to have much of an opinion, and he seemed perfectly happy when they would spend their weekends in bed or curled up watching reruns of Counting Cars while they had their tea, so he left it. He figured that maybe just being there for Aaron during the worst of the dreams might be helping, like he was sharing the load or something.

He hoped so.

There was one night, though, where things started to change.

Robert was hiding from something, tucked away in a wardrobe that felt too small for his body to fit, closing in around him and he had to bite down to keep quiet. Peeking through the door, he saw a bedroom that looked built for a giant, with an oversized bed and a ceiling that reached up into nothingness. Everything felt warped and his ears filled with the hum of static as he watched Aaron sit on the edge of the bed. Robert was unable to move his body, so he could only watch as Aaron dug his nails into his palm as he waited for _something_.

Aaron gave no indication that he knew Robert was there, his lucidity of the dream failing as he was stuck in his own head, and Robert felt voyeuristic watching him without a sound. There was the sound of something smashing in the distance before the door creaked open and wisps of charcoal and oil poured into the room, swirling and suffocating around Aaron, and suddenly Robert knew what this was.

Not some dream Aaron conjured from exhaustion and sadness. Nothing so fantastical as a story his mind made up to pass the hours during sleep.

It was a memory.

And when Robert startled from his sleep and shook Aaron until he woke, it was the first time Robert had ever seen Aaron truly cry as he pressed his face into his pillow, his nails digging into Robert’s forearm as he held him.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Robert had whispered, shushing him as he smoothed his hair. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”

**** **A** ****

And things got worse.

Aaron could feel himself slipping, his favorite methods of coping taunting him, calling to him like a siren. He had put all his energy into keeping up appearances at work, all false cheer and wit wrapped in a waiter’s apron, but once he got home he was drained, and it made him bitter and forgetful.

He tried to push it into cleaning, and when that didn’t work, he tried to focus his energy into sex, but he couldn’t shake that night from his mind, Robert mumbling into his ear like he already _knew_ before Aaron even told him. He could barely stand to look at him, let alone let Robert touch him when everything about Aaron was _wrong._

Robert deserved better than that. He deserved someone who wasn’t broken. Someone whose baggage didn’t pile a mile high. Someone better than him.

**** **R** ****

The distinct buzz of his phone vibrating across his bedside table startled Robert from his sleep. He had gotten home late the night before, and hadn’t turned off his alarm for the morning. He had barely been able to drag himself into bed, the exhaustion from his work week sinking into his bones and drawing him down heavily. Aaron had already been asleep by then, the front porch light being the only welcome Robert received.

He rubbed at the side of his mouth with his thumb, dry drool having built up over the night like it usually did when he would pass out after a bender, though this morning didn’t come with a hangover, but more of a dull throb in his lower back and neck. His mum always said too much time in front of his laptop would do that to him, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He had to work.

Turning on to his side to face Aaron, he was met with the pillow pulled over Aaron’s head as he slept on his stomach, hand hanging off the side of the bed and a chasm of space between them.

It didn’t used be like this. Before, Robert could barely move an inch without coming into contact with Aaron, be it a leg slid between his own or an arm strewn over whomever was the little spoon that night.

But now, though they shared the bed, it felt cold. Like there was something missing there that Robert couldn’t pinpoint had gone.

He contemplated rubbing a hand along Aaron’s back, waking him softly in hopes to tempt him into a shared shower, but instead he pulled back the blanket from himself and padded his way into the en suite, figuring it wouldn’t be worth the effort when he knew Aaron would shrug him off.

They hadn’t _touched_ in weeks.

He ran his hands through his hair under the spray, willing himself not to think. He wanted nothing more than to slip into the quiet order he used to have before he shared with another person. Before Aaron. Mechanically, he washed his hair, his body, and shut off the water.

Stepping out, he pat himself dry with the towel before wrapping it around his hips, staring at himself in the mirror. Their bathroom connected to the bedroom through an archway, which didn’t leave much time for condensation to collect onto the mirror before the cool air would evaporate it away. He watched the water streak down the glass, and nearly lifted a finger to push through the excess water, something he had chastised Aaron for many times.

_“You’ll leave streaks once it’s dry!” Robert had said, grabbing at Aaron’s hips to tickle him, hoping it would pull his arm down and away from where he drew little patterns into the condensation._

_Aaron tsked. “Don’t be boring, old man,” he teased, drawing a little frowny face on the glass, laughing and bending away when Robert dug his fingers in harder against his sides, sending sparks through him._

The mirror cleared, and Robert looked behind him to find that Aaron had gotten out of bed in the time that Robert had been showering, and he felt a weight sink in his gut, something sick calling out _he was waiting for you to leave_ turning his stomach.

Robert heard the back door open and shut, and he couldn’t help but sigh. He felt like that was all he could do lately to stop himself from saying _something._ He moved into the bedroom and pulled on his boxers and jeans in silence, pausing in the middle of the room to look at the window. The light shown through the curtain, never really masking the room in darkness during the day. His fault. He had told Aaron that blackout curtains were unnecessary since they shouldn’t be spending so much time in the bedroom during the day, anyway.

He just didn’t want to give Aaron the excuse to hide away in bed when things got bad for him.

He thought bringing in the sunlight would help him. Aaron just needed a bit of cheering up, and nothing like a little sunlight and fresh air through an open window to do the trick.

He knew – now. He knew now – that it didn’t work like that. But he was stubborn to a fault.

Robert watched the light cast splotchy patterns onto the carpet, and he breathed, shaking his head from his thoughts to root around his dresser for a t-shirt. Instead of a pile of folded shirts he expected, he just stared down into an empty drawer, the smell of cedar still clinging to the wood and airing out into the room. He pushed the drawer shut, more forceful than he intended, and pulled Aaron’s open. Sure enough, there were crumpled t-shirts lining his drawer, balled up and shoved inside without thought.

He pulled a shirt out, slamming Aaron’s drawer shut and head toward the washing machine. Opening the lid, he saw his shirts that he had asked Aaron to wash _yesterday_ damp and sticking to the sides of the barrel. The water had gone stale, and the shirts gave off a smell. Slamming the lid back down, he allowed himself a small moment to relish in the sound of it. A cacophonous outlet for the anger boiling inside him.

Aaron was still outside, sitting on a folding chair they kept out there, bred from habit Aaron kept from the days when he would smoke. Now, he would take a brew outside and just sit, and Robert would sometimes join him, and Aaron would talk with him. But when he was alone, Aaron would just stare at the back wall. No music. Nothing to keep him busy, often letting his tea go cold as he just sat.

Robert didn’t know what to do with that most days.

In this moment, though, Robert just couldn’t let himself leave it. This was the third time in just as many days where Aaron had been forgetful. Thursday he had soaked the pans in soapy water for Robert to come home to him asleep and the pans left floating in cold water. Yesterday, Aaron had promised to come home with leftovers from Anthony’s since Robert was working late, only for Robert to come home to just a box of cereal left out on the counter. And now the laundry, which Robert _knew_ in the back of his mind wasn’t fair to be angry about, had pushed him over the edge.

He opened the back door and leaned against the door frame, wanting to just watch Aaron in this space for a moment. Their backyard wasn’t much. About an arm’s width of space from the door to the wall, cement spanning the space between. The chair beneath Aaron was sun-bleached a faded green and there was really nothing else to catch your eye. When Aaron had moved in, Robert had thought he’d try to do what he could with it – patio furniture or at least a mat on the ground – but they never got around to it.

He watched Aaron stare at the wall as he stared at Aaron, before the latter broke the silence. “Y’alright?” Aaron asked, breaking his gaze to look up at Robert. He didn’t pair it with a smile like he usually would, but he also didn’t look annoyed, as he had been prone to do, lately.

Aaron didn’t look like he felt much at all.

“You forgot to move the washing over,” Robert told him, not wanting to raise his voice, but unwilling to let it go. “I had to nick a shirt off you.”

Aaron looked down at Robert’s shirt, not saying anything. Just _blinking_ before he turned his gaze forward again. “Sorry. Forgot.”

“You’ve been doing that a lot, lately,” Robert said, urging for a reaction. Anything to stop the monotone barely-there version of Aaron that had been more of a roommate to him in the last few weeks than any sort of boyfriend he used to be.

Robert watched Aaron push a hand over his face, kneading at his shut eyes for a moment before looking up at him. “It’s just,” he paused, darting his eyes away from Robert as he spoke. “It’s just been bad this time.”

_The depression._

He had known – or, at least he had figured – that Aaron’s depression wouldn’t go away overnight. But he had hoped – _foolishly,_ maybe – that it didn’t get this bad anymore.

“But if it’s so bad you’re forgetting things, then maybe you need to-” Robert started, but he was cut off by Aaron standing quickly, grabbing his barely touched mug from the ground and pushing past him into the house, a grumbled “I don’t need more counseling” that Robert had barely caught as Aaron dumped his tea down the drain, the ceramic clanging against the bottom of the sink where it was deposited.

Aaron trudged his way up the stairs to their room, Robert following behind him. “Well you won’t talk to me about your sessions so how am I supposed to know?” Robert asked him, watching Aaron take off his hoodie and toss it onto the floor beside his bedside table, pulling the duvet back and getting back into bed.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Robert,” Aaron said, dragging the duvet over his shoulders, blocking himself out of sight. Blocking _Robert_ out of sight.

“And then you do this!” Robert shouted, previous composure slipping. “You’d rather lay here and sleep than talk to me. What am I supposed to think?”

Aaron didn’t say anything, and the silence in the room enveloped them. They were existing in the same space, but Robert felt miles apart. Gritting his teeth, Robert moved to grab socks and unplug his phone from the bedside table. “Fine. You won’t talk to me, then there’s no point in me being here, is there?”

He waited for a response, but Aaron stayed quiet. If anything, he seemed to burrow deeper into the bed, and Robert rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he whispered, more to himself, before going back downstairs, leaving the bedroom door open because he knew it bothered Aaron, and grabbed his laptop, needing to be anywhere but home.

**** **A** ****

Hours passed in a blur of minutes that felt like days, accompanied by the toss of the duvet from his body as the clamminess of his skin grew too uncomfortable to bear, followed immediately by the need to burrow in deeper as the air chilled his body as it clung to the sweat on his skin, and so forth.

He made a reach for his phone before pulling back, not wanting to see the blank screen of no notifications and the photo of Robert from their dinner date four weeks ago. He counted his breaths. Heard birds and the occasional car drive by outside the window. Anything to distract him from the thoughts that were the loudest thing in the room.

_It was so easy for him to leave today, there’s nothing stopping him from doing it again._

_He wants to understand. He just doesn’t know how._

_Why should I always have to be the one to explain? Why can’t he just_ get it?

_It’s been hours. Why hasn’t he called?_

_I should eat something._

_He’s right. You’re not even trying to get better. You want him to leave you. You know what you’re doing._

_You’re stupid to think he’s going to just deal with this for the rest of your lives. He didn’t sign up to babysit you while all you do is sleep._

_Why isn’t he home yet?_

_I’m holding him back._

_Why is he giving up on me?_

_I really should eat something._

Aaron rolled himself out of bed, shaking his arm out from the numbness of lying on it for hours, the prickles of sensation uncomfortable as it woke up. He stopped through the bathroom, not bothering with the lights before finishing up and heading down the stairs. He moved from the refrigerator to the pantry and back, looking inside aimlessly before settling on a sleeve of chocolate digestives and a tin of mixed nuts he was pretty sure had been in their pantry for at least two months.

He clicked on the table lamp beside the couch before settling down in the crook of the seat, reaching blindly for the remote. Turning on the television, he scanned through the channels, not finding much of anything for 6:00 PM on a Sunday. He settled on The Mummy, already an hour into the movie, and kept watching into The Mummy Returns before the distinct sound of a key sliding into the lock of their front door caught his attention.

Robert shuffled in, moving behind the couch into the kitchen to set down his things and start the kettle. Aaron set the nearly empty tin onto the table beside him. He hadn’t realized he’d eaten so many, but he figured it didn’t really matter.

Minutes passed before Robert made his way into the living room, handing Aaron a mug before sitting down beside him on the opposite end of the couch. Aaron blew across the tea, his fingers now warm from the ceramic. A different kind of warmth spread through Aaron after taking a sip, knowing that, even though the air was palpable with unsaid words, Robert still took the time to make Aaron’s tea the way he liked it.

Maybe it was that.

Maybe it was knowing that, at the end of the day, when he looked at Robert he knew there was nowhere else he’d rather be that made him finally speak up.

“Where’d you go today?” Aaron asked, muting the television that he knew neither of them were really watching. “Office is closed on Sundays, innit?”

“Went anyway,” Robert answered, setting his mug down on the coffee table, Aaron mimicking him before they both settled back to look at each other. They kept their voices low, the room suddenly seeming so much smaller under the dim light of the lamp and flickering oranges from the TV. “Though I didn’t plan on being gone as long as I was. I just needed to-” he paused, scanning his eyes over Aaron’s features before looking down. “Needed to get away.”

Aaron just nodded, because he didn’t understand but didn’t know what else to say. When he got like this, he liked knowing that Robert was around. But that wasn’t fair to Robert to have to putter around the house when he could be out living his life, just because Aaron wanted him to stay.

But nothing about this was _fair._

“What are you thinking about?” Robert asked, leaning his elbow against the back of the couch with his head resting against his fist to fully look at Aaron. Aaron shrugged and tugged at his lip with his teeth, biting the skin as he felt the weight of Robert’s gaze. Robert let out a breath of air through his nose, so very like a sigh, and Aaron just shut his eyes.

Neither of them had ever been good with words, but this felt like something more, like the edge of a cliff; one wrong word could be the difference between falling and safety, and the word “trust” hung over the moment like an anvil.

Beneath closed eyes and the silence of the room, the feeling of Robert’s hand reaching out to hold his own was magnified. They sat in silence, Aaron’s eyes opening and following the nonsensical pattern Robert’s thumb traced against his skin. Aaron flipped his hand over and laced their fingers together.

They didn’t hold hands often. The first had been in the car after Debbie’s wedding, both of their palms cold and clamy and Aaron’s heart racing a mile. He hoped Robert didn’t notice. He felt like he had talked a mile a minute after that, nonsense that he couldn’t even remember now so that he wouldn’t get caught up in the way the starlight clung to Robert’s hair, painting him silver and gold.

The best had been weeks later, after Aaron sighed out his first “I love you” as he watched Robert weave his way through the small kitchen he had in his flat, wiggling his hips to whatever Top 40s song piped through the radio, overwhelmed with the knowledge that Robert wasn’t just his lover, but his best friend. Robert had turned to him from where he was leaning by the fridge, smiling as he had pulled him in for a kiss. Robert had said his first “I love you” days before and had made Aaron promise to only say it back when he meant it. It had been such a made-for-TV moment, but Robert was nothing if not theatrical.

Robert had turned off the stove, dinner forgotten as he walked Aaron backwards through to his bedroom. Their fingers laced as backs arched and their heavy breaths mingled between them.

Now, though. Now Robert’s hand felt like a weight anchoring him to the moment. A sign begging of him not to let go.

“I miss you,” he heard Robert say, a crack in his voice he wouldn’t dare let anyone else hear. “You keep going somewhere I can’t follow and I don’t know what to do anymore,” Robert whispered, and Aaron could feel the start of tears burning his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said, emphatically. He needed Robert to know. “My head’s just been a mess lately. I haven’t, um, I haven’t been able to wrap my head around something. Something about you. And, um, I just haven’t been able to get past it.”

“What’d Dr. Tsui have to say about it?” Robert asked after a beat.

“Haven’t told her,” Aaron confessed.

“You haven’t told your _counselor_?”

Aaron sighed, leaning forward to rest his cheek on his unoccupied hand. “I’m ashamed of it,” he said, startling slightly when Robert pulled his hand away.

“What do you mean?” Robert asked him slowly.

Aaron was confused. “What do you mean ‘what do you mean?’”

“You’re ashamed of me?” Robert asked back, but it sounded more like a statement, and Aaron’s stomach dropped.

“No? What- why are you saying that? That’s not what I said. Why would I be ashamed of you?”

“Well, you said it was something about me! And that you’re ashamed of it, and sorry but the only thing I can think is that you’re, what? Ashamed we’re Connected?” Robert said, sounding defensive and it just made Aaron’s head hurt more.

“Stop it, that’s not what I meant,” he said, biting his tongue not to get angry. Robert was twisting his words, something they were both guilty of when they fought, but Aaron wasn’t going to let Robert do that now. “I’m not ashamed we’re Connected. I’m ashamed of what it’s doing to you. What it’s doing to me.”

Robert visibly deflated, taking a second for himself before sighing. “What do you mean what it’s doing to us?” Robert asked, calmer now, like he was scared of something.

Aaron bit his lip, grabbing Robert’s hand. “You said I could be honest, yeah?”

“’Course,” Robert said, leaning in as Aaron leaned back against the couch, their fingers keeping them tied together.

“I haven’t been able to get over the fact that one night, when I went to sleep, you and I were just friends. And then I woke up the next morning and you had been in my _dream_ and it felt impossible and suddenly we were Connected and I was meant to spend the rest of my life with you. And I just,” he paused, needing to breathe. He had been holding on to this for months, but now that he was finally saying it, the words felt too quick, his head dizzying as he tried to keep up, “I just feel like I didn’t get a choice.”

Each beat of silence that passed felt tangible, and he could practically hear Robert’s thoughts, the pair of them always thinking way too loudly. Finally, “So, are you sorry we-” before Robert’s words trailed off again.

Aaron shook his head, staring down at Robert’s hand in his own. “No, no. It’s not that it’s you. I’m so happy that it’s you, Robert. But, can I be honest right now?” he asked, waiting for Robert to nod. “Ever since I was little, I’ve never made a decision for myself. Small, stupid stuff like what I’m going to wear or eat, yeah, but never anything _important._ My- my dad took my childhood, and then it were Sandra that told the police and my mum. It were my mum that moved us from city to city tryin’ to escape the thought of him.

“My family put me in counseling. My Auntie Gennie got me my job. Cain found me my flat. Every single thing was someone else’s decision.” Aaron squeezed Robert’s hand, needing the contact. “And then I met you, and it felt like _finally_ I could have something for me. And you were this narcissistic idiot that I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about, but you were so good to me, I felt like I was finally starting to have a life of me own, you know? And then _bang_ , you and I were Connected because of course I couldn’t have found you on me own. Of course even destiny or God or whatever was going to make that choice for me.

“And then you saw… _that_ dream, and I just can’t handle it anymore. It just feels like it’s never gonna stop,” Aaron said, releasing Robert’s hand to grab at the collar of his own shirt, wiping at his eyes. He had started crying somewhere in his rant, the feeling so familiar he could barely tell he was doing it anymore.

“I’m so sorry, Aaron,” Robert said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s not anything you’ve done-” Aaron started before Robert cut him off.

“But I’ve not done anything to make it better, have I? I’ve just been getting angry with you even though I knew something was up. Pushing you into more counseling because I was scared you weren’t talking to me, but no wonder you weren’t.”

Aaron bit at the skin by his thumb rather than deny it. “I didn’t get to tell you about Gordon. Or when I thought about maybe hurtin’ myself. And I know it’s not like you meant to see it. You can’t help the dreams I’ve been havin’, but it just feels like too much too fast. I’ve only known you barely eight months, let alone datin’ you.”

“I get that. I do,” Robert said, nodding as he spoke. “But I guess I never really thought about it as a bad thing. You knowing everything without me needing to tell you feels like the best part for me.”

“Yeah?”

Robert nodded again. “You’ve gone through so much in your life, Aaron. And mine just feels like I’ve been coasting on easy since mum left my dad, and I don’t want to make this about me again, but sometimes it feels like my problems don’t matter compared to yours. Like, they _can’t_ matter. Talking about it feels so cheap when I know you’ve gone through worse.”

“It’s not a competition,” Aaron said, growing irritated. “I’d give anything not to feel like this every day.”

“God, no, of course you would. I’m not saying it like you’re winning. Ugh, I’m not saying this right,” Robert said, the latter more to himself.

“Start over then,” Aaron conceded.

Robert turned to face Aaron completely, one leg pulled up onto the couch. “Knowing these parts of you, Aaron, feels like the most important thing in my life. Making sure that you feel safe, and loved, and that being Connected to me isn’t some dead weight. That’s all that matters to me. And I guess I’ve been pushing that too hard. I’ve been more concerned about getting you from point A to point B that I haven’t really thought much of what it’s been doing to you in the meantime.”

“But I’m not askin’ you to do that, Robert. I’ve been copin’ just fine on me own for 25 years,” Aaron insisted.

“No, I know. But I can’t ever make you forget what’s happened, and it’s killing me. I thought-” he cut himself off, starting again. “I just want to make you happy, Aaron.”

“You do,” Aaron said, wiping at the tear stain that was starting to dry uncomfortably. Also, “You thought what?”

“Hmm?” Robert asked, distractedly as he watched Aaron scrub at his cheeks.

“You said that you thought something, but you stopped.”

“Well,” he sighed. “I thought that I was helping you bear the burden. I thought that by going to your dreams I was helping you get through them. I realize that was pretty self-centered of me, now.”

_Oh._

Aaron squinted, looking over Robert’s features. Robert had circles under his eyes. Evidence of restless sleep and worry marring his face. _Does he really not get it?_ Aaron asked himself before moving forward to kiss his boyfriend, words failing him.

Robert reciprocated quickly, his hand coming up to hold Aaron’s cheek, their lips parting for just a moment before they both pulled back. They were inches apart, Robert’s thumb tracing gently against Aaron’s skin. Aaron’s heart was racing, and he could bet that if he lifted his hand to Robert’s chest, he’d feel his heart pounding away as well.

God, he loved him.

“I love you,” Aaron said, because it was important. Because he needed to know.

“I love you, too,” Robert replied, and no matter how many times Aaron heard it, it felt like the first. He couldn’t imagine a world without Robert, or a universe that didn’t have them together, finding each other over and over again. He had never felt more lucky to know Robert like this, where every piece of him fit Aaron’s.

“You do so much more than bear the burden, Robert. You’re patient with me, even when you don’t have to be. You distract me from the worst of it, because I know you’re _there_ , and yeah, I wish there were things you didn’t have to see. And don’t act like _your_ dreams lately have just been because of work. I know mine are affecting you, but you take it on anyway. But that's not healthy, Robert. For either of us.”

Robert dropped his forehead lightly to Aaron’s, shutting his eyes. Aaron watched him, his eyelashes falling and making him look softer somehow. “Alright,” Robert finally said.

“Alright?” Aaron asked.

“You need space. I can do that, I can give you space.”

“Robert, that’s not-”

“I’ll sleep on the couch. Or, I guess I can move out for a while, if that suits you better. I’d still pay my part for the house, of course, but I’ve got enough to get a flat for myself for a little while anyway.”

“It’s _your_ house,” Aaron said, though he didn’t really know why he was entertaining this tangent Robert was throwing himself into.

“Yeah, but it’s not like you’re just anyone. The house is just as much yours as it is mine.”

“Robert.”

“Plus this way you don’t have to work at the pub anymore.”

“ _Robert._ ”

“And it wouldn’t be forever. At least I’d hope not-”

“Robert! Stop, you’re not going anywhere, just stop,” Aaron said, shutting Robert up. “You movin’ out’s not gonna help anythin’.”

Robert had gotten up and started pacing the living room, his long strides barely giving him three steps before he had to make the loop. “Well we obviously can’t carry on like this.”

“Will you sit down?” Aaron slouched back, his exhaustion from earlier creeping back in. He had spent the whole day in bed, but he still felt so tired, especially after everything. Robert’s pacing was giving him a headache. “Look, I don’t want you goin’ anywhere, alright?”

“Then what can I do, Aaron? I’ll do anythin’,” Robert insisted, sitting closer than before, hand on Aaron’s thigh. “You are the love of my life, Aaron. I can’t lose you over this.”

“You won’t. I promise you, you won’t.”

“What do you wanna do, then?” Robert asked, and Aaron could feel it. He could feel the way Robert was letting it be Aaron’s choice, and he could have kissed him again right then and there.

But instead, he said, “I want us to stop dream sharing.”

He had read about it in the first few weeks they’d been fully Connected, back when Aaron still couldn’t see Robert every time. It had been Robert that found the articles, sending him the interesting bits about slow progression and how “every case is different.” It had helped, but more than that, it had given Aaron options he didn’t know he was allowed.

“Blocking” was what they called it; “The intended prevention or disturbance of sleep cycles in order to make the process of dream sharing impossible.” He’d read about forced blocking between a Connected serial murderer and his wife, but it didn’t have to go to those extremes.

Blocking meant they would both have to intentionally keep each other _out_. They’d be restless by morning, exhausted as days went by, but it was possible.

“Blocking?” Robert asked, tentative. “Like, forcing each other out of our dreams?”

The thought of intentionally pushing Robert away sat heavily on Aaron’s chest, and he shook his head. “No, not that. Something simpler.”

“Good. Because I couldn’t bear that,” Robert said, relieved. Still, “So what then?”

“Well, I was thinking that we could just try going to sleep at different times. If we’re not asleep at the same time, we can’t dream share, right?”

Robert’s shoulders slumped as he frowned. “Do you think that’s going to work?”

“Maybe not, but at least we have to try,” Aaron answered. “I know it’s asking a lot, and it’s not exactly fair, but I need this, Robert.”

“You’re sure?” Robert asked, and Aaron frowned because _no, I’m not sure_ but he couldn’t say that. He was making a decision, and he needed to stand by it.

“I need to be able to tell you things on my own time. This is the only way I can see how,” Aaron said with a shrug.

“Okay, we’ll do it then. I can’t promise it’ll work right away, but I’ll try.”

Aaron sighed, relieved. “Thank you. And you and me, we’ve got forever, right? We’ll figure this out and then maybe we can try to share again.”

Robert smiled and pulled Aaron to him, arm around his shoulders and Aaron’s arm wrapped around his waist. “Just, let me know, alright? About re-Connecting, yeah, but also anything else. I want you to be able to rely on me.”

“I do. Or, I will. I promise.”

Aaron felt Robert press a kiss to his head before grabbing the remote, enveloping them in the white and blue lights of the television, the two of them out of words for now. His energy felt like it was draining fast, and he could feel his body weigh down on Robert, letting sleep take him over.

**** **R** ****

Robert walked back up the front path to their home, running through his mental checklist one last time as he pat his jeans. _Phone, keys, wallet._ He checked the kitchen, making sure the back door was locked and the stove was properly shut off before heading up the stairs to their bedroom, taking the steps two at a time.

His nerves were getting the best of him, he knew. Anyone who knew him half-decently could pinpoint that the obsessive need to check and recheck details, the restless jittering of his legs and fingers, and the way he muttered lowly to himself were all signs that he was bracing himself for _something_.

It was barely 9:00 AM, and Robert felt guilty for needing to wake Aaron. Their sleep schedules for the last few months had been nothing less than, well, _fucked_.

Aaron had taken up the later shift at Anthony’s, getting home around midnight if closing went smoothly, but more often than not he made the long trudge home near 1:00 AM. Robert would get home by half 5 only to go to sleep immediately, that way he could get at least seven hours in before Aaron would flop himself down on their bed, coaxing him awake.

That was the worst part about all of this. The only time they could manage to spend together during the workweek were the spare hours after midnight, Robert bleary from interrupted sleep, Aaron running on fumes. It wasn’t healthy by any means, but it was working.

In the moments between - after sex and late meals - they talked. About their days, about their _dreams_ , about each other. It was the most normal their relationship had ever felt, and it made it all feel worth it. Aaron smiled and laughed more, and while it didn’t mean things were good permanently, it meant that the depression holes got shorter, and the happy moments in between were just a little longer.

Aaron had told him, between yawns and lethargic pauses, that he’d never felt more right. And Robert would take 6:00 PM bedtime and 1:00 AM wakeup calls for the rest of his life if it meant Aaron felt more comfortable with himself. Robert meant it when he said he’d do anything, and a messed up sleep schedule was the least of his concerns.

Still, his dreams felt empty without Aaron. He couldn’t help, in the moments of lucidity, to look for him, begging his name. What good was flying through the clouds or getting hopelessly lost through a hedge maze when he had to do it alone? Though, to be fair, the dreams of children with dark hair and round cheeks, looking every bit like Aaron that it made Robert want nothing more than to reach out and hold them? Those were probably best left for another day, years from now when the idea of building a family was more of a fact than a fantasy.

Robert made his way over to the bed, pressing a kiss to the back of Aaron’s head as he snaked his hand under the duvet to rub his hand against Aaron’s waist. “Hey,” he whispered into Aaron’s ear, repeating it again when Aaron didn’t stir.

Aaron hummed, disgruntled, before trying to cuddle deeper into the bed. Robert laughed, this time shaking Aaron gently. “Wh- ‘sit?” Aaron said as Robert wrapped his hand around his waist to drag him closer to the edge of the bed, urging Aaron to wake. Avoiding Aaron’s elbows, he released him as Aaron fought him off. “What?”

“C’mon, get dressed.”

Aaron squinted at him, a mixture of the sunlight and suspicion. “Why?”

“Awful chatty this morning, aren’t you? Come on, just trust me,” Robert said, moving to the wardrobe and tossing Aaron a shirt, picking up a pair of jeans off the floor for him to wear. Aaron moved slowly, barely even getting off the bed to put his jeans on, preferring to just lean back and wiggle into them. Robert watched him get ready, endeared by Aaron’s sleepy decisions that he’d never really make if he were more awake – overly large globs of toothpaste on his toothbrush, halfheartedly pulling a comb through his hair, staring at himself in the mirror for a full 20 seconds – before shutting off the light and letting Aaron lead the way down the stairs.

“Coffee?” Aaron asked, and Robert nodded, guiding him by the shoulders out the front door to the car, not letting him get sidetracked.

“I’ve got coffee, toast, and a pillow waiting for you in the car, stop dilly-daddling and let’s go.”

“Dilly-daddle?” Aaron asked, stuffing himself into the passenger’s seat and cradling the thermos of coffee to his chest.

“Oh, shut up.”

Aaron huffed out a laugh, chewing slowly on the toast and poured Robert some coffee for him to drink at stoplights. The drive at this time of day was slower than usual. He’d wanted to go earlier, but this was meant to be a _good_ thing for Aaron, and Robert would be dammed to try and wake Aaron after only 3 hours of sleep.

After 40 minutes of Aaron cycling through music – Marley, Winehouse, Sublime – Robert could tell he was growing agitated. “Any guesses where we’re headed?” Robert asked him.

Aaron squeezed the pillow to his chest as he put his phone down, forgoing trying to get any more sleep with Robert’s driving -

_“Sorry, my driving? You’re the one who’s all Baby Driver over here.”_

_“Huh. So who was it that crashed our cars at the start of all this, then? ‘Cause I could’ve sworn it were_ you.”

_“That was months ago, Aaron! Let it go."_

_“Ha. Never."_

-and looked out the window. “Well, we’ve passed into the Dales. Don’t take much brain power to suss this one out. Are we seeing your mum again?”

“Not this time. She and Andy have taken his kids on holiday.”

“Which is why we’re going now?” Aaron asked knowingly, and Robert just shrugged his shoulder. Aaron had met Robert’s lot on Andy’s birthday when he’d told them about being Connected. Sarah had immediately demanded a get-together to welcome Aaron into the family, though Robert figured it had more to do with the fact that the Dingles all got to meet him before Sarah got to meet Aaron.

It wasn’t the first time his family had met one of Robert’s partners, but they were usually in throwaway areas like restaurants or trips to the beach. Bringing Aaron to the farm had scared him more than he was willing to admit. He’d never brought someone back to the place he was meant to call home, where his father’s ghost lingered in every corner. Jack’s grave was barely a stone’s throw away, but he was _there_ , all gruff silence and a raised eyebrow that Robert could never shake, finding hints of his father in his own adulthood.

Andy had been alright. He was awkward at best, but Robert supposed Aaron was, too. They talked about football and cars here and there, and Robert appreciated him trying. Sarah and Victoria had taken to Aaron almost immediately, asking about him on their bi-weekly group calls and referring to them as “RobertandAaron.” Victoria had even started to text Aaron against Robert’s protests, and Robert had to bite his tongue every time Aaron would look up from his phone, stare at Robert, laugh, and go back to texting, no doubt gossiping about him to Vic.

It was the end of August now – a year since they met and almost four months since they stopped dream sharing – and the weather finally warm enough for Robert to get away with lighter dress shirts, but better yet, Aaron dropped the hoodies and wore more Henleys with the sleeves pushed back to his elbows. Robert was, admittedly, a man of many needs, but something about Aaron in shorter sleeves alone could fuel him for weeks.

Robert parked down the road from the cricket pitch, hoping his car wouldn’t be spotted too quickly. He left the village for a reason, and while they were all nice enough, he wasn’t in any sort of mood to entertain questions from the village gossips. Aaron got out of the car, wary as Robert circled around to the boot, pulling out a wicker basket and tossing him a blanket.

“A picnic? Really?” Aaron asked, following Robert out toward the field. “You do know we live, like, 5 minutes from a park, right?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Robert replied, making his way toward the hill. The grass had grown longer since winter, touches of dandelion and clover that Robert couldn’t help but run his hands through as he waited for Aaron to spread out the blanket. It was still damp, the air too humid to evaporate it, even with the oncoming afternoon sun.

Once they settled, Robert unpacked the basket, handing Aaron each plate, napkin, and Tupperware like a delivery line, going faster and faster as Aaron scrambled to move everything out of the way. “Alright, alright! Stop it!” Aaron laughed, pushing his hands out to stop the onslaught of food. Chuckling, Robert laid out the rest of the food. He’d settled on mostly dry snacks to pick at and a 6-pack, knowing his boyfriend well enough not to pack heartier foods he’d take one bite out of then forget to eat.

Leaning back, he rested on his elbows, tilting his chin up to the sky. He shut his eyes, letting the sun’s warmth soak into his skin, practically feeling his freckles dance along the bridge of his nose. Moments passed before he heard Aaron clear his throat to grab Robert’s attention. Turning to look at him, his heart stuttered. Aaron’s eyes blinked slowly, still tired from the early start and the get-up-and-go. But he had this glow about him, like he’d been wrapped in gold.

Robert didn't think he’d ever forget the way Aaron looked in that moment. He was tugging absentmindedly on his bottom lip with his teeth, his eyes focused on Robert, the blues and hints of green dancing in the light as clouds moved overhead.

He watched as Aaron lifted a brow, his smile shifting as the gears visibly turned in his mind. “This is the place, isn’t it? The one from your dream?” Aaron broke their gaze to look out at the field, and Robert followed suit. He watched as a breeze moved through the trees in the distance, disturbing a bird that cawed sharply as it flew away. “Your favorite place.”

Robert hummed, leaning back fully until his back was flat with the earth. He heard Aaron push the bags of snacks out of the way, and he blindly opened his arms, smiling as Aaron laid down beside him, his cheek pressed to Robert’s chest.

“Mm, one of them. Our bed on Sunday mornings is a hard act to beat, but it comes close.”

He felt Aaron nod as he toyed with one of the buttons on Robert’s shirt. “I get it, though. ‘S peaceful, innit?”

“Yeah, I suppose. If I’m honest, I don’t really know why it’s here and not my mum’s house, or something like it,” Robert said, squinting up at the clouds.

Aaron shifted so that his head rested on Robert’s bicep. “Because it’s the place you could always go,” he said, simple as that.

He’d told Aaron during one of their many talks that his house – his _father’s_ house – and the farm hadn’t felt like home in a long time. Even with Sarah and Vic, things never felt _right_.

“I get that,” Aaron continued. “Mum moved us around so much that I didn’t really have anywhere that felt like my own. I guess, really, _our_ home is that for me. With you. It’s the place I can always go.”

Again, Robert felt his heart hiccup as he studied Aaron’s face. There was a seriousness there that did nothing to mask the light – the hope – in Aaron’s eyes, but rather made his words sit poignantly, the nerves in Robert’s body thrumming, everything feeling more _real_. He rolled his body over until his face was breaths away from Aaron’s, surging forward to kiss him. Robert’s hand cupped Aaron’s cheek as he shut his eyes, feeling Aaron dig his fingers into Robert’s chest, grasping and taking hold.

He lets Aaron take over, contented as his shoulder was pushed down and he was laid flat again, Aaron supporting his own weight on his arm as he kissed him, careful not to put much heat behind it in such a public place. Time fell apart around him, moments turning into ages as his world revolved around Aaron. When they eventually broke apart, Aaron sat up, Robert chasing the moment as he followed. Aaron sighed, looking back out across the pitch as a breeze swept over them. Robert reached out, pushing his fingers through Aaron’s hair, happy that he didn’t give Aaron the chance to gel it down in the flurry to leave the house.

Aaron was lost to the sunlight, absently ripping the grass in front of him. There was the promise of rain in a few hours’ time, judging by the way the clouds grew grey as they moved ever so slightly quicker across the sky. It was alright, they’d be leaving soon, Robert just needed this chance to be here with Aaron. To show him, without so many words, that Robert was all in. That he wanted to experience and share his life with Aaron, not just the days to come, but the days gone by. The days that made Robert _Robert_.

They weren’t fine yet, not completely. Four months and one picnic weren’t enough to clear the shadows from Aaron’s mind or calm Robert’s near obsessive need to control his surroundings. But in this moment, hours from home yet only inches apart from what really counted, with Aaron looking at him like he was _everything_ , Robert couldn’t help but feel hopeful.

“I love you,” Robert said, the words passing his lips like they belonged to Aaron. Like he had no right in keeping them to himself.

Grinning, Aaron leaned in with a whispered “I love you, too” before meeting Robert halfway.

The thing was, Aaron was stubborn, complex, and forgetful. But more than that, he was selfless, _courageous_ , and the most extraordinary person Robert would ever know. He was made up of so much more than Robert thought one person could hold. Like his heart that harbored so much love for everyone in his life that he sometimes forgot to care for himself.

And his soul that knew Robert’s own – from a distant timeline or divine intervention, no one could know for certain. His soul that sought out Robert’s time and time again.

His smile that pushed his cheeks up to his eyes, and the way each and every breathy giggle or outright laugh felt important. Something to savor.

His eyes that saw through Robert immediately, and the way a single tear could fall from them, leaving streaks across his cheek and break Robert’s heart.

The timbre of his voice. His nervous habits. His passion. His teeth. His skin. His bones.

Every part that made up Aaron – the pride and the shame – gave the only meaning to the word “home” that Robert could ever want.

And knowing – truly _knowing_ – that none of this was by accident or misguided feelings of obligation to the Connection flooded him with reassurance. He leaned back and shut his eyes, no longer overwhelmed by the idea of _forever_ , he let the sunshine warm his skin, confident that everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Come say hello to me at [strongboyfriends](http://strongboyfriends.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Love you <3


End file.
